


He Hit Me (And It Felt Like A Kiss)

by KittyleFay



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Aftercare, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, BDSM, Bisexual Steve Harrington, Blow Jobs, Coming In Pants, Freeform, Gay Billy Hargrove, Hand Jobs, Idiots in Love, M/M, Modern AU, Praise Kink, Rimming, Roommates, Sex Toys, Sexual Experimentation, Spanking, Subspace
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-21
Updated: 2019-07-06
Packaged: 2019-11-27 07:52:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 21,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18191813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KittyleFay/pseuds/KittyleFay
Summary: After catching Billy in a far less than chaste moment, Steve learns more about his roommate and himself than he expected to.Tags will change!





	1. If the house is a rockin', don't bother knockin’

**Author's Note:**

> The title is taken from the song of the same name by The Crystals, though I'm going down the Nicole Dollanganger route.

Steve learns quickly that Billy has no shame. Why would he? On top of the blond hair, blue eyes, and tan skin, he’s got the kind of body that would put Michelangelo to shame. _The David never had any piercings or tattoos,_ Steve reminds himself. _Or half-open shirts, or skin-tight jeans, or leather jackets, or indeed a man bun to end all man buns._

But that isn’t what drives Steve crazy. 

See, it isn’t _just_ that Billy’s attractive. Hell, it isn’t even that Billy clearly _knows_ he’s attractive. It’s that he’s got a libido that would make a porn star blush. 

From the moment they met, Steve learned straight away that Billy was not shy. Granted, they were in high school at the time and who wasn’t a reckless teenager at some point in their lives? Certainly not Billy “I’m-from-Cali-so-fuck-the-world” Hargrove. Then graduation happened and they just had to end up in the same room in the same university. What are the fucking odds? Steve was willing to grin and bear living with Billy. The constant innuendos he’d come to know when they were in school together. The casual nudity is new, though, but with a body like that, who _wouldn’t_ nonchalantly walk through his apartment in his birthday suit? When you’ve got it, flaunt it, right? 

Then Tommy comes along. 

Steve finds out Tommy the hard way. It’s morning and he’s making breakfast because the bastard in the other room is either too lazy or too hungover to make one himself. 

“Billy?” he calls. “Do you want some coffee?”

“Yes! Yes! Yes!”

“Okay, don’t get too excited.”

Billy doesn’t come out of the door. He only grunts and groans and curses to the point that Steve worries if he’s hurt himself. He _does_ hear a cry of pain at some point. 

“Billy, are you okay?”

“Fuck yeah!”

He doesn’t sound okay, no matter how hard he tries to. Steve can’t take it anymore and knocks on Billy’s door.

“I’m serious, man, what is going on in there?”

No answer. Just another moan. Steve doesn’t realize his mistake until he opens the door.

“Billy, wha– _Jesus!”_

Laid down on the bed before him is not only a naked Billy but a naked Tommy laying spread-eagled on his stomach with Billy balls deep in his ass. The momentary look of bliss on both their faces suddenly vanish as soon as they see Steve. Oddly enough, neither of them scramble for cover. Instead, Billy turns to Steve, still inside of Tommy and tells him: “Either get in or fuck off, Harrington!”

Steve chooses the latter category, but only moments before he realizes that Tommy’s wrists and ankles are cuffed to the bed and Billy has something in his hand that looks like a cat o’ nine tails.

The following breakfast is awkward. Tommy leaves Billy with his phone number, which will never be used. They continue breakfast in silence as if nothing has happened.

“So,” Steve slowly begins. “Are we gonna talk about it?”

“About what?”

“You know, about the fact that you’re…well…”

“That I’m what? Tall? Rugged? Handsome?”

 _Annoying_ is on the tip of his tongue. “Gay.”

Billy chuckles. Honest to God, chuckles. “Y’know, I _always_ forget about that one.”

Okay, so Billy’s gay. Cool.

Billy is also a Dom. Interesting.


	2. Curiosity killed the cat

Steve never sees Billy with Tommy again, but he does see him with Alex, Ben, Charlie, David, and at some point Eric and Freddy at the same time. Good God, how many guys can someone sleep with in the course of one week? Even on the rare occasion that Billy is alone for the night, Steve can hear moaning…and he may or may not jerk off to the sound of that moaning but he doesn't dare mention that. 

“Are you serious?” 

“Dead serious,” Steve says to the pixelated image of Dustin. “The guy has cuffs on his bed and I swear he was holding some kind of torture device. Like a cat o’ nine tails.”

“Yuck! I don’t know what that is and I don’t think I want to.”

“Trust me, you don’t.”

“Does Max know about this? Actually, don’t answer that. I don’t wanna know.”

“Trust me, man, I already know too much. Christ, you should have seen…”

“I said: I don’t wanna know!”

Steve can’t help but laugh. “Sorry.”

“Son of a bitch, Steve, you’re not perving on this guy, are you?”

“What? No!” That’s a lie. “Actually, speaking of Max, how’s the rest of the party?”

Dustin’s answer suddenly goes in one ear and out the other. Something about high school being like another planet. Steve is too focused on the way Billy struts through the room to find a response. Much to his surprise, Billy is actually wearing clothes. Of course, they leave about as much to the imagination as his usual getup, or lack thereof, and Steve is rendered wide-eyed and speechless.

“Steve? Steve, can you hear me?”

Steve shakes his head. “Yeah, uh…sorry, man, I gotta go.”

Dustin’s voice is cut off without another word. Steve hates to cut his friend off so suddenly but he can’t risk Billy hearing another word of their conversation. He still blushes at the memory of his roommate topping his old high school friend to the ground. 

“Still hanging out with those brats?” Billy asks, rummaging through the cupboard.

“They’re not brats. Dustin’s a cool kid and they’re just getting into high school. I just wanna make sure they’re okay.”

“If you say so.”

Steve rolls his eyes. Immediately, he forgets why he’s even been _looking_ at Billy. He was a prick in high school, why would he be any less of a prick in university?

“By the way,” Billy continues, as he takes a swig of orange juice straight from the carton. “If you’re gonna go blabbing to your kids about my sex life, at least know your toys.”

 _Shit!_ “What?”

“That wasn’t a cat o’ nine tails I was holding. It’s called a flogger.” 

“Um…thanks?”

Billy smiles through another swig of orange juice before slamming the carton onto the table. “Always willing to educate, pretty boy. Speaking of which, I got a lecture to go to.”

Without another word, Billy is out of the door.

* * *

Steve _should_ be doing homework. He should be getting ready for his next class. Hell, he should be eating breakfast or something. But no, he’s staring at Billy’s bedroom door. A thousand questions burst in his head like fireworks. What’s behind that door? Who else has been in that bed? When did his roommate get into kink? How many kinky toys are hidden in that room? As hard as he tries to shake his head of all these questions and more, Steve can’t stop staring at that door. It’s almost as if the door has him hypnotized. 

Steve finds himself in the middle of a battle between the devil on his left shoulder and the angel on his right.

 _Don’t do it,_ says the angel. _Billy may be a prick, but that doesn’t make him any less human. It’s his room and his privacy. What he gets up to in the sack is none of your business. Don’t you dare touch that door!_

 _Do it,_ says the devil. _If Billy cared about privacy, don’t you think he’d put a sock on his door or at least wear something? He didn't seem too bothered by you barging in that day. Just open the door and see what’s there._

This argument goes on for some time until Steve finds his feet. With each step, he comes to a compromise. He’ll take a look but only one. He won’t even touch anything. He’ll just take a quick look around, leave it as is, and never look back. Billy won’t even notice.

Steve regrets everything from the moment he opens the door.

On the surface, Billy’s room is like any other on campus: just a little room with a bed, a desk, a few posters on the walls, and a collection of books. A _lot_ of books, actually. Steve isn’t all that surprised to find that Billy has so many books. He _is_ an English major, after all. On his shelf are not only the basics–Austen, Brontë, Dickens, Shakespeare, Wilde, and the like–but names that Steve never thought he’d see in Billy’s collection, some of which he’s never even heard of: J.K. Rowling, Philip Pullman, J.R.R. Tolkien, C.S. Lewis, George R.R. Martin, Anne Rice, Stephen King, V.C. Andrews, and the list goes on. _Man, does this guys read!_

The rest of the room is basic: some dirty photos here and some band posters there. _Billy sure likes his ‘80s metal, doesn’t he?_ Apart from a few rogue books and an unmade bed, there’s nothing all that remarkable about Billy’s room.

Except for this one photo.

Most of Billy’s pictures are pinned to the wall and mainly consist of parties and one night stands. This picture is framed and rests on the bedside table next to a copy of _The Three Musketeers_ and shows a young woman and a little boy on the beach. The woman, though beautiful, is pale and underweight next to the tanned and chubby ten-year-old in her arms. Her likely bald head is covered by a sunhat and her summer dress hangs closely on her frail body. Still, she smiles so brightly in spite of how sick she looks. Steve doesn’t recognize the woman at all but when he looks at the boy he’d know that smile anywhere. _Billy was a cute kid._

Eventually, Steve decides that’s enough. Nothing to see here. He really shouldn’t be in here anyway. Time to go now. He should be heading to Anatomy class, anyway. 

 _Just one more peek._  

Steve’s eyes drop to the drawer of Billy’s bedside table. He really shouldn’t but he finds his hand being drawn towards the handle like a coin to a magnet. Once the drawer is opened, he knows there’s no turning back. 

His jaw drops to the ground.

Billy’s bedside drawer is full of sex toys. Dildos, butt plugs, ball gags, handcuffs, blindfolds, ball gags, masks, chokers, rope, riding crops, and so many others that Steve has never seen before. One looks like a pinwheel taken from a cowboy’s boot. Another looks like a string of little balls. Then there is a pair of leather gloves that look completely normal to Steve until he finds the little needles on the palms and fingertips. There is one that he recognizes, though: the cat o’ nine tails. 

 _No,_ he reminds himself. _It’s called a flogger…I think._

Steve feels the same magnetic force on the flogger that he did on the handle mere moments ago. Soon, he’s holding the device in his hand and finds it lighter than he expected it to be. He grips handle the way he imagines he would a sword–firm grip, loose wrist–and, in a moment of intrigue, swings the leather tendrils left and right. For a moment, he finds himself wondering what those tendrils would feel like on his skin, until…

_Knock! Knock! Knock!_

Steve feels a sudden jolt when he finds Billy at the door, looking less than amused. _Oh, fuck!_

“I forgot my phone,” Billy simply says, as he grabs his phone from his desk. He does not take his eyes off of Steve. “You know, if you’re gonna keep invading my privacy, you could at least be subtle about it.”

“I…I’m s-sorry, I w-was just…”

“Curious? Yeah, I’ll bet.”

Steve’s only response is lost in a series of stammers. What the hell is he even saying? Why does he still have the flogger in his hand? What the hell is Billy smiling about? 

“Just put that back, Harrington.”

With that, Steve does as he’s told. He drops the flogger into the pile of other toys and slams the drawer shut. Before he can swiftly make his way past Billy and out of the room, he feels a tight grip on his wrist. He’s suddenly face-to-face with the other guy and so close that he can feel his breath on his lips. 

“Next time I see you in here,” Billy growls. _“I’m_ gonna be the one holding that flogger. Got it?” 

Steve gulps and nods. It isn’t until he’s released from Billy’s grip that he realizes that his body is shaking, his heart is pounding, and his breath is heavy. Even when he’s alone he is still weak and yet he still can’t shake his head of the way his roommate looked at him. The strangely sultry sound of his voice still echoes in his mind.

 _Next time I see you in here,_ I’m _gonna be the one holding that flogger. Got it?_

I’m _gonna be the one holding that flogger._

_Got it?_

"Wait," Steve says to himself. "Was he just...? No!"


	3. Let’s talk about sex, baby!

“What’s it like?” Steve asks out of nowhere one evening. He isn’t quite sure why he’s asking the question or even how it managed to escape from his mouth, especially considering what happened just three days ago. Still, they’re watching _Game of Thrones_ over beer and take-out and neither of them are as scandalized as smalltown folks probably should be by a love scene between two men. Steve knows that Billy certainly isn’t because he looks at him as if the answer to his question should be obvious. 

“To have sex with another dude, you mean?”

Steve nods. 

“Well, from personal experience I can’t compare it to having sex with a chick, but I _can_ tell you that it’s more effort.”

“What do you mean?”

Billy looks Steve did straight in the eye as he takes a long swig of his beer. “Ever been pegged?”

“Pegged?”

Billy rolls his eyes. “I mean has a chick ever used a strap-on toy on you? Ever been fucked in the ass?”

“No.”

“Have you ever fucked anyone in the ass?”

“No.”

“Have you ever fucked _yourself_ in the ass?”

“No! How is that even…?”

“They’re called toys, dumbass, you can get them at a sex shop.”

“I thought that was just for girls.”

“Nope. Guys too. You got sleeves, fleshlights, cock rings, prostate massagers, anal beads, butt plugs, dildos…”

“Jesus Christ, stop! I don’t want the mental image.”

“Yeah, I guess seeing me in action was good enough for you.”

Steve hopes to every god and goddess he’s ever heard of that the redness in his cheeks goes unnoticed. The memory of Billy fucking Tommy does no help.

“Anyway,” Billy continues. “There’s more effort put into it ‘cause there _has_ to be. It’s not like in the porn videos where a guy can just suck another guy’s dick for a while and then suddenly fuck him. You gotta work at it.”

“So, how _does_ it work?”

“Well, assholes don’t stretch or lubricate themselves, do they? You gotta stretch a guy open before you make your way in and you have to use a _lot_ of lube. Silicone-based works best; the thicker, the better. Oh, and condoms are your friends.”

“What for? It’s not like you’re gonna get knocked up.”

Billy rolls his eyes again. “No, but you could _catch_ something. You’re a nursing student, man, you should know this! Remember the AIDS crisis?”

Steve’s cheeks go red. Of course, he remembers the AIDS crisis. He just…well… 

“My sex-ed kinda sucked,” he explains. “We didn’t really learn much about safe sex in Hawkins, other than how to put on a condom or wait until marriage. We certainly didn’t learn much about safe sex with other dudes. How did you learn so much about it, anyway?”

Billy snickers through his next swig of beer. “It was different in California. We also have this thing called the internet, nowadays. You should try it sometime. Anyway, why do _you_ care?”

Steve doesn’t have an answer for that. Billy doesn’t seem to need one by the way his eyes widen. “Holy shit!”

“I haven’t really figured it out yet.”

“That’s cool.”

“I mean, I still like girls, but…”

“But it never stopped you from checking out other guys in the showers after gym class. Certainly didn’t stop you from barging in on my scene or sneaking into my stash.”

Steve’s face is hot and is probably the colour of cherries by this point. 

“Don’t sweat it, pretty boy, I’m over it.”

His eyes are suddenly wide and there’s that jolt again. “Really? But you said…”

“Oh, I’m keeping that promise, trust me.”

“I trust you.”

Much to Steve’s surprise, Billy smiles.

The silence that falls between them is awkward. Steve finds himself chugging his beer faster than he should. He tries to focus on the show but can’t shake off the feeling of Billy’s eyes searching him up and down. He almost feels naked under his gaze. He takes another large swig.

“Slow down,” says Billy. It isn’t a suggestion. It’s a command. Steve obeys. “I’m gonna get you some water.”

Billy takes the bottle from Steve’s hand and walks to the kitchen. Steve follows soon after. 

“What about everything else?” he asks. “All that kinky stuff, I mean.”

Billy only laughs. “It’s called BDSM.”

“I know what it’s called, I just wanna know what it’s all about.” 

Raising an eyebrow, Billy fills a glass with water and hands it to Steve. “Drink this first.”

Once again, Steve obeys.

“First of all,” Billy begins. “It stands for bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, and masochism. Seems simple, right? It’s a little more complicated than that. Despite what you might have heard about or seen in porn, it’s not about pain. It’s about pleasure. The pain is just a means to that end. Make sense?”

“Um, I think so.”

“Good, ‘cause I’m just getting started. The second thing to know is that it doesn’t always involve sex. It can but that’s not always the case for some people. Think of it as a little bit like a massage; it may _feel_ sexual and sometimes it is but it doesn’t always have to be. A massage can certainly lead to sex but sometimes it’s just a massage. It’s the same with BDSM.

“The third thing to know is simple: safety first. A scene can be as simple or as technical as you want it to be but safety should _always_ come first. This is where you’re gonna want to do a _lot_ of homework but to put it simply, know how to use your toys and be mindful of the damage they can cause. For example, rope play can be fun but if you don’t know how to properly tie someone up, you can cause damage to their circulation. If the pain ever gets to be too much, you can always use a safe word like ‘banana’ or something you get you out of the mood. When a scene is done, aftercare is a must, like you're comforting each other.

“Any questions?”

Steve doesn’t know where to start. With every second that passes between them, a new question sparks in his head. One in particular rests on the tip of his tongue: “Can you teach me?”

Billy raises an eyebrow. The slightest glimpse of that familiar smile plays at the corner of his lips. Steve remembers that smile from high school and was almost afraid of it. “Seriously?”

“Yes.”

“I mean it, pretty boy, you gotta be sure about this.”

“I _am_ sure. Like you said the other day, I’m curious.”

Billy’s tongue flickers between his teeth like a serpent, showing Steve the slightest glimpse of a tongue piercing that makes his cock twitch. 

“Okay.”

Steve’s eyes are now as wide as saucers. “Really? You mean that? I mean, you don’t have to…wait, where are you going?”

“My room. You coming?”

“I, uh…”

Billy now leans against his bedroom door like a goddamn pinup. “I’m a man of my word, Harrington. Are you coming or am I going to have to change my mind?”

As soon as the door is opened, Steve knows his answer. Following Billy into the bedroom he already feels his cock fattening at the thought of being dominated. Strangely, the thought of being dominated by Billy Hargrove, of all people, only enhances his excitement. 

_What the hell am I doing?_

“Before we start,” Billy says. “I need to know what you like and what you don’t like, and what you’re interested in.”

Steve thinks for a moment. “Well, I’ve never done this before but I guess I’m up for anything.”

Billy shakes his head. “You’re gonna have to be more specific than that, pretty boy, ‘cause ‘up for anything’ could literally mean anything. Like, I could tie you up in a full body harness and hang you upside down while I've got my fist in your ass.”

The mental image makes Steve shudder. “Jesus Christ, is that even possible?”

“Yes but don’t worry. I know you’re new to this, so I think it’s best to start small and talk about what we’re into and what we’re not into. For example, I’m into rope play and I like to inflict pain and pleasure but I’m not into blood play, scat play, or water sports and I _don’t_ like being hit in the face.”

Steve isn’t quite sure what half of that means but nods. “Okay, uh…I guess I’m into the idea of being tied up and played with and I’m not really sure what blood play, scat play, or water sports are but I’m pretty sure I’m not into them.”

Billy laughs. “Good to know.”

“Oh, and I’ve never really gone all the way with a guy before. Is that gonna be a problem?”

“No. Do you want to, though?”

“Yeah.”

Billy smiles and nods. “I can do that. Can you think of a safe word?”

“Um,” Steve thinks for a moment and looks around the room looking for something, anything, that will make for a good safe word. His eyes land on Billy’s bedside table, where his copy of _The Three Musketeers_ still lies. “D’Artagnan.” 

Billy’s smile widens. “Excellent choice. Shall we?”

Steve nods.

“Good. Take off your clothes.”

Just as before, Steve does as he’s told but he struggles. His hands are shaking and he fumbles through button after button until he’s completely naked and hard. He’s never felt so vulnerable in his life. Billy, on the other hand, licks his lips as he sits down at the edge of the bed, still fully clothed but with his legs parted. Steve can just make out the outline of his cock through his jeans. 

“Now get on my knee.”

Hesitantly, Steve sits on Billy’s knee, feeling almost like a child sitting on a parent’s lap. Billy chuckles and runs a hand through Steve’s hair. The sudden tug makes his cock stir and sends a pleasant rush throughout his body. Within seconds, he finds himself on his stomach and splayed across Billy’s lap.

Billy raises his hand.

"You're not using the flogger?" Steve questions.

"You're not ready for that yet, pretty boy."

And then...

_Smack!_

Billy’s hand strikes at Steve’s left ass cheek and then the right. The hollow claps echo through the room and leave his body shaking and his cock throbbing.

“Does that feel good?” Billy asks.

“I…” Steve struggles to find an answer until he feels those clever fingers raking through his hair for another sharp tug. “Oh, fuck! Yes!”

“Good,” Billy purrs. “Because I’m going to keep doing that. Ten spanks for all those times I’ve caught you staring. I know you’ve been looking at me.”

“Billy…” Steve almost manages to look back but is stopped by another tug at his hair.

“No talking back. Count for me.”

Steve gulps hard. “One–ah! Two–oh! Three–fuck!”

Billy’s hands are firm and clever. With one hard hand pulling at his hair and the other lashing at his backside, Steve his helpless to his touch. The sharp sting of each and every crude clap lingers on his skin, no doubt colouring the otherwise pale surface. He can already feel the bruises blossoming on both cheeks. No doubt, he won’t be sitting comfortably for a while. Strangely enough, the thought of that isn’t as dreadful as he might have expected. It’s as if he’s being marked. By Billy fucking Hargrove. 

“Seven–mmf! Eight–ah! Nine–shit!”

The final strike feels like a brand. Billy’s hand softens on the heated blemishes that he’s left on the now raw and tender skin, as if to reward such good behaviour. Steve feels held by the gesture, almost like a cat being stroked. Before long, he’s sitting back up and is wrapped around the other young man’s arms.

 _Billy Hargrove just spanked me,_ Steve can't stop thinking. _And now he’s holding me._

“This is aftercare,” Billy murmurs, almost as if to read his mind. “You did well.”

Billy continues to whisper the sweetest things into Steve’s ear, telling him what a good boy he’s been and even calling him “darling” once or twice. Steve’s body is vibrating and he isn’t sure how much of it is from the endorphins rushing through him or the sound of Billy’s voice. All he knows is what he feels. Bliss is the only name he can call it. Everything else is lost to him.

The could be holding each other for ten minutes or ten hours before Steve is able to find his feet. Even then, Billy is gentle with him. 

“How do you feel?”

Steve sighs sweetly. “That was…fuck, that was incredible! It was almost like getting high. I felt like my mind went blank and all I could feel was my body.”

Billy smiles and it isn't the wicked smile that Steve is used to seeing. “That’s called subspace.”

“Does it always feel like that?”

“Sometimes. If you want, I can lend you a few books on it, that is if you want to keep doing this.”

Steve’s eyes widen. “You want to do this again?”

“Got a problem with that?”

Steve thinks a moment and finds that he really doesn’t. He shakes his head but can’t find it in him to argue that Billy is never with the same guy twice. Before he can so much as open his mouth, he feels the weight of a book in his hands. _S &M 101: An Introduction_ by Jay Wiseman. 

“I’ve got a little homework assignment for you,” Billy tells him. “I want you to read this by the end of the week. When you’re done, I want you to find some other books to read on the subject and none of that _50 Shades_ shit. Understood?”

Steve nods timidly. “Yes.”

“Yes, what?”

“Yes, _sir.”_


	4. Working out the kinks

Steve reads the book within three days. The rest of his week consists of studying more than just the human anatomy. When he isn’t attending classes and climbing mountains of homework, he’s reading book after book about all things BDSM. He learns about different kinks from A to Z, he learns the names of different toys and how to use them, he learns of the many different terms and phrases as if he’s learning a different language, and he learns more of what he likes and does not like to do and be done to him. Billy seems impressed by his dedication, which makes him slightly proud of himself. 

Above all things, Steve learns more from Billy more than he does from any book. 

* * *

The first time Billy ties Steve up, the scene is over before he can even finish what’s apparently called a basic box tie. Steve’s arms are tied behind his back in a box-like position and already he feels a strain on his muscles and has to say to Billy: “D’Artagnan.” He feels like a wimp for using their safe word so soon but is told to think nothing of it. It was his first time. The first time being tied up is always tricky. To make up for it, Steve offers to jerk Billy off. The offer, though appreciated, is refused and the rest of the evening is spent in bed. 

On their second try, Billy has Steve’s hands tied together in what’s called a double-column tie, which looks like his hands are cuffed by layers upon layers of rope. The position isn’t as awkward as the last nor is it as painful. Instead, Steve is strangely comfortable with the snug restraints on his wrists and fully at Billy’s mercy. “On your knees,” Billy demands. “Suck my cock.” Steve obeys and is successful, at first, until Billy begins to fuck his face too hard and nearly choke him. He apologizes profusely for getting so carried away and they hold each other for the rest of the night. 

Their third try is more successful. Steve lies naked and erect with his wrists and ankles tied to each corner of Billy’s bed. Single-column ties, this time, not too dissimilar to the last tie they had used. Steve has never felt so vulnerable and he loves it. Billy looks at him like he’s a feast. Crawling over him with the grace and predatory nature of a wild cat, he stops to kiss the weeping tip of his cock with teasing licks along the length, every now and then tickling the frenulum with the heated metal ball piercing on his tongue. “Please,” Steve only has to say once before Billy is taking him into his throat like a porn star. Steve is thankful that he isn’t wearing the blindfold. Billy looks good with his mouth full of cock. It isn’t long before Steve is coming and he’s pleasantly surprised to find that Billy swallows. The rest of the evening is spent with gentle caresses and whispered praises. 

* * *

Eventually, they bring toys into the mix. Billy presents Steve with his entire collection tells him to pick one. Remembering to start small, he reaches for something that he is vaguely familiar with, though he still finds himself drawn to the flogger. He reaches for the pinwheel.

“The Wartenberg pinwheel,” Billy calls it. “Good choice.”

It _is_ a good choice. Steve bites his lip as he lies naked and bound. Billy lays by his side and holds the tiny torture device as delicately as he would a fine tip pen. The little pins seem to tingle on the delicate surface of skin, teasing and tormenting the most sensitive places from head to toe. 

“Low temperature candles,” they try next. “Think you can take it, pretty boy?”

He can, he’s sure of it. Steve lies on his stomach this time with his wrists and ankles bound to the bed. Billy hovers over him, tipping the lit candle and carefully dripping hot wax on the other young man’s back. The wax isn’t scalding but hot enough to make his breath hitch.

“Ice cubes,” after that. “Simple but no less effective.”

He isn’t wrong. Steve has his hands tied above his head. Billy traces every inch of him from head to toe with the ice cube. The cold on his lips, his neck, his chest, his stomach, and his thighs offer an oddly similar sensation to the hot wax though a no less thrilling one.

“Vampire gloves,” they try at last. “My personal favourite.”

That soon makes the both of them. Steve is blindfolded this time and is bound to the bed. Billy wears the gloves on both hands and uses them to gently pet his submissive’s body. Like the pinwheel, tiny pins and needles tease and tingle the sensitive skin enough to make him moan.

* * *

They try other toys for the spankings that Steve loves so much: the whip, the paddle, the crop, and then– _finally!_ –the flogger. 

Steve falls in love with the flogger. Billy has him naked and gagged with his hands tied above his head, standing like a medieval prisoner in preparation of torture, and runs his hands through his hair. The first tug releases a muffled moan that almost sounds like: “Oh, shit!” Instead, through the ball between his teeth, Steve only manages to utter a weak: “O’h’it!”

“Are you gonna be a good boy for me?” Billy asks.

Steve nods. 

“Good.”

Billy takes three steps back. Steve refuses to look behind him. He feels a warm and rough hand on the back of his neck. It almost feels soothing until…

_Thwack!_

“F’ck!” Steve cries into the ball gag in his mouth, sinking his teeth into the rubber. It’s a different blow to Steve’s ass than Billy’s hand alone. The flogger’s tails almost feel like the needles on the vampire gloves. A similar tingle rushes through his body but this time with a more powerful force. He is already throbbing and begging without a word for more. It takes one, two, three lashes before he begins to feel as though his soul has left his body. Everything around him seems lost and all that is left of him is the the blunt force of those leather tendrils. 

“Look at you,” Billy’s voice growls. “All black and blue just for me.”

Steve opens his eyes to see Billy standing by his and he’s vaguely certain it may be the subspace talking but _fuck_ , Billy is beautiful. He’d kiss him then and there if he wasn’t bound and gagged. 

Billy’s free hand moves to Steve’s cock, stroking him to climax with one hand and thrashing him with the other. 

When Steve comes with one last blow, Billy is as gentle with him as he would be to a porcelain doll. After untying his wrists, removing the ball gag, and tending to the bruises, he holds him so close. 

“You took that so well,” he whispers. “I’m so proud of you.”

* * *

When Billy isn’t tying Steve up and playing with him, he has him across his lap with one hand in his hair and the other slapping his ass. It feels good. Amazing, actually. Steve can’t get enough of Billy’s hands. He loves how warm and rough his palms are. He loves the way his fingers curl into his scalp. He loves the way his touch can go from hard to soft within mere seconds. 

But he wants more. 

“I want you to fuck me,” he says out of nowhere one day. It’s an unusual start to a lunch conversation but he has to get it off his chest. He’s been fantasizing about it all morning.

“You sure about that?”

Steve nods. “I’m sure. I’ve been doing a lot of reading about it, so I know that it’s going to take a lot of prep. I want to start with some toys first but I want you to fuck me.”

Much to Steve’s surprise, Billy smiles. Their scenes are not often sexual, apart from the occasional hand job or blow job. Hell, they don’t even kiss. Still, he smiles and accepts.

Billy starts by playing with Steve’s ass. While he’s spanking him, every now and then he will wet his fingers with lube and tease his hole. First with one finger, then with two, and finally with three until Steve grows adjusted to Billy’s clever fingers. Before long, he becomes addicted to the way those fingers touch him _there_. 

Later, when Steve has his hands tied and his legs parted, Billy not only uses his fingers to tease his ass but his tongue. Steve first notices Billy’s tongue piercing circling the wrinkled skin and then his warm lips kissing his hole. He wonders if he should feel disgusted by what is being done to him but as soon as he feels a clever tongue teasing his entrance, disgust is the last thing on his mind. 

Then they move onto toys. 

They start with anal beads. Steve is naked and spreadeagled on the bed with a hot mouth wrapped around his cock and a string of silicone beads lined up his ass. Billy starts to tug at the string when he’s close and pulls a hard climax from his body.

Next, they move onto butt plugs. Billy has an entire collection of them in many different sizes. He makes Steve wear the smallest one first, then the bigger one, and soon the biggest. Sometimes, he’ll even make him wear one in public.

The following week, Billy gives Steve a vibrating dildo to play with on his own. That evening, while Billy is away in class, Steve wonders if the entire campus can hear him screaming when he turns the level to its highest.

Finally, Billy decides that Steve is ready. 

* * *

“Tell me how you want it.”

Steve thinks a moment. For as often as he’s fantasized about being fucked by another guy, he’s never put in much thought to what he wanted his first time to be like. He isn’t a virgin. He’s slept with girls before. Nancy, in particular, springs to mind but he shakes his head of her. He doesn’t want to think about that tonight. Instead, he thinks about the first time he caught Billy with Tommy.

“I want you to use the flogger on me while you fuck me.”

There’s that smile again.

“I can do that,” Billy says softly and lays a hand on Steve’s cheek. For a moment it looks like he’s about to kiss him but instead he whispers in his ear: “Strip.”

Steve obeys. Billy does the same. Steve doesn’t always see Billy naked when they’re at play.  Usually, the submissive is stark naked while the Dominant is fully clothed. Billy only undresses when things get interesting and things are about to get interesting.

Steve knows that as soon as Billy grabs a condom, a bottle of lube, and the flogger.

Once they’re both naked, Billy has Steve by the hair, bent over the bed and presented to him. A free hand palms at his ass, careful with the bruises from only a day ago. It’s an unusually gentle touch from the clash that he’s grown so accustomed to. Still, those clever hands alone make his cock twitch and he hasn't even been touched there yet. No sooner does the thought enter his mind does he feel a hand on his cock. It isn’t the touch alone that makes him gasp but the hard cock teasing his entrance and the hot mouth warming the back of his neck.

“I’m gonna ask you one last time,” Billy says softly. “Are you sure you want this?”

“Yes,” Steve groans. “I’ve wanted this for a long time.”

“Good, ‘cause so have I.”

Before Steve can ask what Billy means by that, his voice is stolen by the sudden grip around his cock stroking him ever so slowly. Soon, he feels a pair of dry lips trailing down his spine until they reach the crack and a warm tongue brushing against the hole. The first finger that follows steals the breath from his lungs. The second finger easily finds his prostate and makes him whine. The third stretches him so wide open that fingers and tongue simply isn’t enough.

“Please,” he groans. “Please, Billy.”

A tug at his hair, hot breath on his neck, and sultry whispering: “Please, what?”

“P-please, _sir,_ fuck me! I want your cock!”

“That’s what I thought.”

Billy stands behind Steve. Sheathed and slick, he ever so slowly makes his way in. It isn’t too painful, certainly not as painful as some of the toys were, just odd. Neither of them are sure how long they stay that way. It could be seconds, minutes, or hours before they become adjusted to one another. Once Steve is ready, Billy starts to move slowly. As they pick up the pace with each thrust, the pain seems to melt away in the place of pleasure. 

The first blow of the flogger pulls a pleasant yelp from Steve’s lips, the second pulls a more animalistic groan from Billy’s, and the third, fourth, fifth… _God!_ Steve begs: “Harder!” Billy obliges: “Fuck yeah!” 

Steve could do this forever. Billy feels like heaven inside of him, nudging at his sweet spot, flogging him raw, and whispering the filthiest things into his ear. 

“You like that, don’t you, pretty boy?” he growls. “Taking my cock so well, like a good little slut. Fuck, you’re so tight! So warm! You love this, don’t you, slut?”

Steve does love it. He just wishes Billy were facing him.

“You gonna come for me, slut?”

He is going to come. He can feel himself getting closer and closer with every nudge on that sweet spot. He can feel his balls tighten and his ass clench around Billy. 

“Touch me,” he begs. “Please.”

 _Thwack!_ “What was that?”

“Please.”

 _Thwack!_ “Please?”

“Please, _sir!”_

 _Thwack!_ “Please.” _Thwack!_ “Sir.” _Thwack!_ “What?”

“Please touch me, sir!”

The flogger drops to the floor with a dull thud. Billy leans over to Steve, takes his cock in his hand and… _fuck,_ Steve's never come so hard in his life! Billy follows soon after with what almost sounds like a lion’s roar. 

They collapse onto the bed, limbs entangled, drenched in sweat and semen. Steve is still shaking like a leaf even after Billy slips out of him but is soothed by the gentle praises and soft caresses. 

He's almost certain he feels kisses on his skin.


	5. Happy Halloween!

Steve met Billy on Halloween. He’d only ever heard of the guy before since everyone and their grandmother was talking about the new kid from California. People talked about him like he was Hawkins’ shiny new toy. What with his cool hair, his cool clothes, and his cool car. It was when he championed the keg stand that he was crowned king of the school. That crown was once Steve’s. Billy was more than willing to taunt him over that, of course, all whilst calling him “pretty boy.” A few pranks here, a few nick-names there, and Billy became more than just an annoyance to Steve. He became the bane of his existence. 

 _And here I am,_ he thinks, _not only_ living _with the bastard but pressed against the wall with my arms tied together and said bastard himself balls deep in my ass._

It’s true. As Billy continues to pound into him, Steve finds himself wondering if they should be celebrating some sort of anniversary. He isn’t sure how things between them started to change but going to university and living together had to have changed _something_ between them. Maybe Steve has grown used to the casual banter. Maybe Billy has simply grown up. Whatever it is, they can at least admit to being _something_ resembling friends. 

Friends with benefits, technically. 

They have their rules, of course. Rule #1: Keep it in the bedroom. None of that romantic shit like dinner and movies. Rule #2: _Always_ use protection. Steve doesn’t know where Billy’s been and, frankly, doesn’t care to. Rule #3: Tell no one. No one needs to know. Plain and simple, right? Well, the first rule does get tricky when Steve sees Billy with other guys, the second rule makes him wonder what being barebacked feels like, and part of him–though a very small part–wishes he could talk to _someone_ about his situation.

_Just having fun, right?_

God, do they have fun! In the past week alone, Steve has been bound, gagged, and fucked to his heart’s content. Billy has practically used every toy under the sun on him: whips, crops, paddles, ticklers, handcuffs, blindfolds, mouth gags, ball gags, nipple clamps, butt plugs, cock rings, vampire gloves, and–of course–the flogger. 

_Thwack!_

“Harder.”

_Thwack!_

“Harder!”

_Thwack!_

The leather tendrils are blunt on Steve’s tender skin. Billy has one hand holding Steve by the hair, the other holding the flogger, and his cock nudging against that sweet spot at a punishing pace. 

“Fuck, I’m gonna come!”

_Thwack!_

“You close, pretty boy?” Billy growls. “You gonna come for me?”

“Yes.” _Thwack!_ “Ah! Yes, _sir!”_

“I want you to come with me. Think you can hold on a little longer?”

“Fuck! Yes, sir!”

“Good boy.”

Billy picks up his pace. Steve tries not to move against him for fear of coming too soon. Closing his eyes, he tries to think of less arousing thoughts. Nothing works, of course, as everything seems to turn back to Billy. He then tries biting his lip to the point of pain. It only reminds him of how Billy sometimes likes to bite him. 

“You feel so good, pretty boy. Could fuck you all day, you feel so fucking good!”

This does nothing for the tightening in Steve’s balls. He wonders if Billy knows what his voice and praises do to him.

“Come with me,” Billy demands. “I’m so close, pretty boy, come with me!”

And it happens. Steve feels Billy twitching inside of him and even feels the warmth of his climax through the condom. It’s enough to trigger his own climax. Ropes and ropes of come burst from his cock and stain the wall.

“That was great,” Billy says once he’s seemed to have caught his breath. “We’ve never come together before. I like it like that.”

“Yeah,” Steve agrees but bites his tongue. _I still wish you’d face me._

The aftercare is nice but doesn’t last long. Billy stays inside of Steve for some time until he softens and slips out. Turning his submissive to face him, he carefully unties knot after knot. Steve still feels lighter than air and finds himself staring at Billy. Secretly, he likes looking at him in general but it’s the details of him that seem to have him hypnotized by the way his hands work their way around the rope with an effortless display of grace, the way the piercing on his tongue clicks between his teeth when he’s thinking, the way he ties his hair up when he’s doing something, the way his tattoos scatter across his body, and… _wait._

“What’s that?”

There is a small circle of raw skin on Billy’s forearm. Steve wonders why he had never noticed it before but then thinks it so small that he probably wouldn't have unless he was looking for it. It’s barely even the size of the tip of his little finger. 

Billy’s hands start to shake, losing touch of the last knots. Quickly, he reaches for the scissors in his drawer and cuts through. Steve furrows his brow. _You only use those in emergencies._

“I had a mole removed,” he says abruptly. “You should probably get your costume on if you’re heading to the party.”

“Uh…yeah. You coming?”

Billy’s devil-may-care smile quickly returns. “Free booze and hot guys in costume? Wouldn’t miss it for the world!”

Steve rolls his eyes. Leaving his roommate to change into his costume, he finds a way to prepare his own. The jeans, jacket, and flannel shirt were easy, though he still can’t believe it took him seven tries to find a red puffer vest. Still, once he’s got the watch on, he’s ready to go. 

Once he’s out of his room, he finds Billy on the sofa with a box of Chinese food in one hand and a book in the other. _Interview with the Vampire,_ appropriately enough. He looks vaguely the same, save for the blood dripping from the corner of his lip and the way his hair is tied back to resemble what Steve thinks is supposed to be a mullet. 

“Hey, McFly, Where’s the time machine?”

“Parked outside. Planning on turning anyone tonight, David?”

Billy’s eyes widen. “You’ve seen _The Lost Boys?”_

Steve shrugs. “It’s an ‘80s classic. Of course, I have.”

“Ha! I gotta say, Harrington, you’re full of surprises. Speaking of which…”

Billy reaches into his pocket and pulls out a black butt plug, not too dissimilar to the many that Steve’s had inside of him, though made of silicone instead of metal. 

“Really?” Steve raises an eyebrow. “We just fucked, like, five minutes ago.”

“Exactly. You still loose?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

Billy smiles, flicking his tongue between his teeth and flaunting what looks to be a pair of fangs. “Turn around.”

Steve does as he is told. Within seconds, Billy is undoing his jeans from behind and tugging them down to his knees. His tongue slithers its way into the hole without warning. 

“Jesus Christ,” Steve groans. “Billy, I– _fuck!_ –as much as I’d love to, I’m still wiped from… _oh!”_

The plug slips in easily and is strangely heavier than what he’s now grown used to. Once his jeans are done back up, Steve turns back to Billy, who is still smirking. 

“So, that’s it?” Steve questions. “You’re gonna make me wear a butt plug for the party?”

“Oh, that’s not all.”

“What do yo– _holy shit!”_

A strong vibration shoots through Steve’s body from the inside. It renders his knees weaker than they already are and he has to hold onto the nearby counter to keep his balance. Until it stops. Billy stands before him with a Cheshire Cat grin on his face.

“I know we agreed to keep this in the bedroom,” Billy says. “But I wanna try a little something. That little beauty inside you has seven settings and ten speeds but that’s not the best part. The best part is that while you’ve got that inside you I’ve got this.”

Billy pulls a small black device from his pocket.

“What is that?” Steve asked.

“I’m glad you asked. This, Harrington, is a remote control. The remote control that I am going to hold onto throughout the entire party, so that I can torture you whenever I want.”

“You’re evil!”

Billy only winks. “It’s fun to be a vampire. Let’s go.”

* * *

The frat building is filled with devils, angels,  heroes, heroines, villains, witches, ghosts, vampires, werewolves, and he could go on. Beauties and beasts alike dance to _The Monster Mash_ while drunk on what’s supposed to look like a witch’s brew but tastes and smells like fruit juice and fuel. Pranks riddle the room from jumping spiders in the candy to rubber snakes in the coolers. Steve barely recognizes a single face at the party but for masks and painted faces. 

He recognizes one face, however. Tommy is dressed as Daniel from _The Karate Kid_ and chats with a pretty redhead dressed as Daphne from _Scooby Doo._ Steve feels his cheeks go red when he thinks of the last time he saw him; naked, bound, and fucked. He shakes his head of the image. Tommy, distracted from his conversation with a pretty redhead, smiles when he sees Billy, who ignores him entirely. When Steve sees Tommy’s smile fall, he doesn’t have to be a detective to deduce what happened between them after _that_ day. 

In a way, Steve finds himself mentally thanking Tommy. He would never have shacked up with Billy had he never caught them in the act. _Thanks, dick!_  

Steve manages to squeeze his way through the maze-like crowd towards the snack bar, where the witch’s brew bubbles in a large cauldron. Even there, he’s almost suffocated by the people around him until he nearly trips on someone.

“Watch it!” a feminine voice cries.

Steve apologizes several times until he catches a glimpse of the owner of that voice. A pretty blonde just a head shorter than him does her best to wipe a stain of witch’s brew from her _Daddy’s Lil’ Monster_ t-shirt. Her blue pigtail seems to have seen the worst of it while the pink goes untouched. 

Quick on his feet, Steve grabs enough paper napkins to fill his every pocket and offers them to Harley Quinn, who smiles at him. _Shit, she’s got a gorgeous smile._

“Thanks,” she says. “Time-travel here often?”

 _Say something smart._ “Only when the future is history.” _What the fuck does that mean?_

Thankfully, Harley Quinn laughs. 

“So,” he clears his throat. “Plan on terrorizing the party?”

“Depends,” she shrugs and adopts that adorably psychotic high pitch. “If it’ll make the party more interesting.”

“I imagine your– _ahem_ –‘Daddy’ should take care of that.”

“Oh,” Harley’s pitch drops back into her natural sultry voice. “I actually don’t have a Joker with me. I just really like Harley Quinn as a character.”

 _So she’s single._  

“Good! I mean, that’s…actually, that’s probably a good thing ‘cause the Joker’s not the best example of a Daddy.”

She furrows her brow. “What do you mean?”

“Well, in the kink world, a Daddy’s supposed to take care of little or their sub. I don’t really see a psychotic clown taking care of his ‘little monster.’”

A seductive smirk plays at the corner of her full red lips. “Is that so?”

“Yeah, it’s actually kind of a healthier dynamic than– _oh!”_

_Buzz._

The vibration inside of Steve is sudden but strong. It only lasts a moment yet still causes blood to fill his cock. Silently cursing, he looks around the crowd until he finds Billy. The bastard is on a couch sharing drinks with a guy in a generic werewolf costume as if nothing had happened. _You fucker, you better not ruin this._

“Are you okay?” asks Harley Quinn.

“Huh? Oh, yeah. Just got a bit of a kick from that witch’s brew, I guess.”

She raises an eyebrow. He thinks nothing of it until he realizes he hasn't even poured himself a glass. _Say something. Anything!_ “I’m Steve, by the way.”

Harley Quinn smiles sweetly and shakes his hand. “Robin.”

* * *

Steve spends much of the party with Robin. They tell stories and jokes over candy and drinks. and, naturally, heavy flirting ensues. Every now and then, he’ll feel her hand on his arm and he’ll lay a hand on her thigh, which neither of them seem to mind. Robin, apart from being very pretty, turns out to be a cool girl. She watches scary movies and listens to rock music, which makes her pretty cool in his eyes. She has a dry wit, which he likes. She’s a fine art student, which he thinks is awesome. All in all, Steve quickly decides that he likes Robin.

If only Billy would knock it off with that damn toy.

Every now and then he’ll feel that spontaneous buzzing inside of him. He tries his best to ignore it but then the speed changes. It feels incredible and he’d love it if he weren’t trying to flirt with a pretty girl. Every time he feels that damned toy vibrate, he looks around to find Billy in the crowd. Whenever he does, he finds that wicked grin growing weaker and weaker. Soon, Billy only looks to Steve with a cold stare. 

_The fuck is his problem?_

Before he can even think of an answer to his question, someone proposes a game of Seven Minutes in Heaven, which Steve is more than happy to play. He and Robin sit side-by-side in the circle, only to be shoved apart. 

“Sorry, folks,” Billy smirks. “This seat’s taken.”

Robin only shrugs at this but Steve can’t hide the frown on his face. 

_Seriously, dude, what the fuck is your problem?_

He bites his tongue to keep from asking the question. The game is about to begin. Billy asks–demands, more like–to be the first to spin the bottle. _Of course._ With a quick wink in Steve’s direction, he takes the empty wine bottle in hand and spins it round and round and round. 

It lands on Tommy. 

Cat-calls and wolf-whistles echo thoughout the room. Steve wants to laugh at the irony but can’t help but notice than neither Tommy nor Billy are amused by it. Tommy doesn’t even smile when he stands up. He only gestures Billy to follow him and Steve is almost certain he hears a vague: “We need to talk, anyway.” 

_About what?_

He decides that he doesn't want to know.

After a couple of other spins, it’s Steve’s turn. With a flick of the wrist, the bottle spins and spins and spins until it points to Robin. _Someone up there loves me._

With a smile on her face, a twinkle in her eye, and a drink still in hand, Robin stands up and leads Steve into a nearby closet. Once the door is shut, the tiny space seems almost suffocating. The coats stink of mothballs and stale perfume. Robin’s perfume smells sweet and spicy like whiskey and roses. 

 _I am in a closet with a pretty girl,_ Steve thinks. _And the best part is that there’s no roommate to bug me._

No sooner does the thought cross his mind than he feels the toy buzzing inside of him. This time, however, the vibration is stronger. Much to his chagrin, his jeans are suddenly tighter. _Billy, you bastard!_

“You okay?” Robin asks, placing her drink to the side. “You look a little tense.”

 _Buzz._ “Uh, yeah, I’m fine. I just– _mmf_!”

“You just never played this game before?”

 _Buzz. Buzz._ “No, uh… _oh,_ I-I have.”

“You seem nervous. I don’t bite, you know.”

 _Buzz. Buzz. Buzz._ “I, uh…”

Without another word, Steve’s back hits the wall. Robin has her body pressed against him. For a split second, he’s hoping against hope that she thinks nothing of the raging hard-on but then sees the smile plays at her full lips as she whispers: “Unless you like that.”

Steve returns her smile and closes the gap between them. Robin’s lips taste of cherries and her tongue bittersweet with the witch’s brew. Her hands are softer than what he’s grown used to and as her clever fingers run through his hair he almost expects a sharp tug to send chills down his spine. Instead, he only feels a slight scratch at his scalp and a small palm stroking his length through his jeans.

_Buzzz…_

The toy’s vibration grows faster and stronger than ever before. Already, Steve can feel himself leaking and Robin’s hand does no help. Still, as he sneaks one hand around her waist and the other into her top, he tells himself: _Don’t come. Don’t come. Don’t come._

Until he comes.

Robin steps back. Steve is still twitching even as he shuts his eyes, unable to look at her or the obvious stain on his crotch. _Billy Hargrove, I am going to_ kill _you!_

“Did you just…?”

“I’m sorry,” Steve stammers. “I told you, it’s been a while, I haven’t been with a girl since my ex, and I think you’re really…”

“Easy, tiger, ” Robin laughs. _Is she laughing at me, or…?_ “I don’t mind.”

Steve just barely manages to open his eyes “You don’t?”

“I know it sounds cliché but it really could happen to any guy. Besides, we can always try this again some other time.”

“You…you want to try this again?”

Robin smiles and nods. “I like you, Steve, and judging by the state of your jeans I’m gonna go on a limb and say that you like me too. Am I right?”

This, at least, makes him laugh. “Yeah.”

“Then do you want to get together for coffee sometime this weekend?”

“I’d like that.”

“Great.” Robin’s smile widens and she kisses Steve. It’s a chaste kiss this time, not at all what he’s used to. When it’s over, she checks her watch. 

“I think our time is up,” she says. “But before we get back out there…” 

Picking her drink back up, she tips it over and splashes it all over Steve’s pants.

“What the fuck was that for?”

“So it _doesn’t_ look like you’ve just creamed your pants,” she explains. “I’ll just tell everyone I got a little tipsy and spilled the witch’s brew. You’re welcome.”

Steve suddenly finds himself wondering if they should just skip the coffee and start planning the wedding. 

When the party is over and everyone leaves, Steve exchanges phone numbers with Robin.

He doesn’t see Billy watching them. 


	6. Green-eyed monsters

The rest of Steve’s week consists of three things: slaving through classes, hanging out with Robin, and having kinky sex with Billy. On Monday, he meets Robin for coffee and then goes home to get tied up and sucked by Billy. On Tuesday, he’s texting Robin when he should be attending classes, doing homework, or sucking Billy’s cock. On Wednesday, he takes Robin to see a movie and goes home to take twenty lashings from Billy’s flogger. On Thursday, he’s holding hands with Robin after he’s just taken Billy up the ass. On Friday, he is still texting Robin over homework while Billy sends him dick pics. Over the weekend, he finds himself alone and yet still in between the two. 

For once, he has some time to himself. Robin has a class and Billy has a lecture. Steve, on the other hand, pays a visit to the library where his only friends are the pile of textbooks on one side and the other pile of notebooks on the other. Since some bright spark next door thought it would be a great idea to get together with a few friends and get so high that they felt the need to shout out just how high they were, he had to escape. Finally, he’s alone and has some peace of mind.

Well, he’s not entirely alone.

For a moment, he’s distracted by a noise that he’d rather not hear. As hard as he tries to focus on microbiology, the sound of and smacking lips and lewd giggling echoes from behind a bookshelf. Leaning in for a better look, he manages to find a glimpse of a couple kissing in a corner. Tommy has a familiar face up against his own and it only takes a moment for Steve to recognize her as the redhead from the Halloween party. 

 _You moved on from Billy pretty quickly,_ he almost wants to say. _Does your new girlfriend know you like to be tied up and fucked by other dudes?_

Steve bites his tongue. A not-so-subtle cough seems to get his message across all on its own. Tommy looks up and his lipstick-stained smile falls flat, as he redhead proceeds to pepper kisses on his neck. Steve imagines a halo floating above his head when he returns to his homework as if he’s seen absolutely nothing. 

The next few minutes are peaceful until he hears the shuffling before him. Steve spots the pretty redhead walking away. Tommy sits before him with a stone cold gaze. 

Steve clears his throat. “Hey, Tommy!” 

Tommy says nothing. All that can be heard is the ticking of a nearby clock. _Tick-tock. Tick-tock. Tick-tock._

“Did you have a good time at that party last week? I know _I_ did. I’m still feeling bits of that hangover, I got so smashed after that game.”

_Tick-tock. Tick-tock. Tick-tock._

“Isn’t that the same girl you were flirting with before the game started?”

_Tick-tock. Tick-tock. Tick-tock._

“She’s cute. What’s her name?”

“Harrington, I know about you and Hargrove.”

Steve’s heart stops. _Tick-tock. Tick-tock. Tick-tock._

Tommy still continues to stare. _Tick-tock. Tick-tock. Tick-tock._

 _Act cool,_ Steve tells himself. “That we’re roommates? I’m surprised it took you…”

“I know that you’re fucking.”

 _Shit!_ “Is that so?”

Tommy nods as if it’s the most casual thing. “He must be having a _lot_ of fun with you if he’s kept you for this long.”

“What are you talking about?"

“You live with the guy, Harrington, you know what he’s like. He doesn’t always play with the same guy more than once, does he?”

Steve only shrugs. “I asked him to show me the ropes and that’s what he’s doing.”

Tommy shrugs back. “Whatever he’s doing, I just hope you know that you’re lucky to have him.”

 _He’s jealous._ “Is that what you wanted to talk to him about at the party?”

“None of your beeswax. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that you’re a lucky son of a bitch.”

“I’ll bet you did, Hill.”

Tommy frowns and huffs before marching away. Steve half-expects to see him push a chair down or break something. Still, he can’t help but smile at himself. It’s petty but it makes him smile. 

* * *

With the better part of his homework done, Steve spends the rest of his afternoon cleaning the apartment of whatever Billy has littered across the floor. Every now and then, he’ll stop to text Robin. Every other time, he’s sweeping the apartment of scattered clothes and rogue sex toys.

“What’s up with you?” Billy asks. “Is the queen coming to visit?”

“We’ve already got a queen in this apartment, Billy, there’s no need for that.”

There’s a glimpse of pride in Billy’s smile as he turns a page of _The Age of Innocence._

“Actually,” Steve continues. “Robin’s coming over and I don’t want her thinking I’m living in a sex dungeon.”

Billy’s smile falls and his body appears to stiffen. “You’re really getting cozy with this chick, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, I like her. She’s really cool.”

Billy only huffs and turns the next page. 

“She is. Maybe if you gave her a chance…”

“Maybe I don’t _want_ to give her a chance.”

Steve stops to stare at Billy, who has his jaw clenched and his eyes locked on the book in his hand. “Well, you don’t have to be an asshole about it.”

Billy turns another page. 

Steve has to ask: “Are you jealous?” 

“Fuck off, Harrington. I’m not jealous.”

“Bullshit! If you wanted to move on from being friends with benefits and start something else with me, that’s fine. You could just ask me out. It’s not that difficult.”

“I don't want to ask you out, Harrington.”

“Like hell, you don’t. Even if that’s the case, which I _really_ don’t think it is, you were the one who said to keep it in the bedroom, remember? Plus, it’s not like _you’ve_ never fooled around with other guys since this thing started. You don't get to act like a jealous prick just because I happen to find someone else that I like.”

 _Someone else?_ Steve bites his lip and almost wishes he could go back in time and break those two little words apart but he’s stopped by a slamming noise that makes him jump. Billy’s book is on the floor and he stands tall with his fists clenched.

“I’m not fucking jealous,” he growls. “Like I even have anything to be jealous about! You think I wanna go out with _you?_ You think I spend all night jerking off thinking about you and me getting married and growing old together with a couple of brats and a dog in the suburbs behind a white picket fence? You’re just a warm mouth and a tight hole to me!”

Steve only shrugs. “I dunno, Hargrove, that was an oddly specific fantasy.”

“Fuck you!”

“Be my guest. At least when you _are_ fucking me, you’re honest.”

Billy cackles like a witch over a cauldron. “Oh, _that’s_ rich!”

Steve furrows his brow. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Does your little girlfriend know that you like dick?”

“Robin’s not my girlfriend and no, I haven’t come out to her yet but…”

“But you’ll be coming back for me when she can’t tie you up the way I can or when she won’t pull your pretty hair or spank your cute little ass the way I do. I bet she doesn’t even know you like all that kinky shit.”

Steve’s cheeks go hot. “Fuck you!”

“Be my guest. You know _she_ can’t fuck you the way I can.”

“You sure you aren’t jealous? Because it sure looks like you fantasize about me a lot.”

“For the last time. I’m. Not. Fucking. Jealous.”

“Then what the hell is your problem?”

Billy breathes and takes a step back. Picking up his book and dusting it off, he casually shrugs before leaving with a simple answer: “I just don’t like her.”

Steve only partially believes that.

* * *

Robin arrives at four with a bottle of wine. Steve is more of a beer-drinker by nature but thanks her with a kiss. He manages to keep Billy at bay while they turn on Netflix.

Steve isn’t paying attention to the movie they’re watching, something about a killer art gallery. It kinda sucks and one character looks annoyingly like his ex but he doesn’t care. He’s too focused on the way Robin wraps her arms around his waist and leans her head on his shoulder. She feels nice in his arms and her breasts feel especially nice when they nudge against his chest. He finds himself ignoring the movie altogether to the point that they may well be watching nothing at all. All that he can hear is her sweet sighs when he sneaks a hand between her legs.

Until a door opens. 

Billy only wanders through the kitchen to grab a snack Nothing to worry about. At least he’s wearing something. Steve thinks nothing of it until he hears a sharp crunching noise. The prick really thinks that _now_ is a good time to snack on chips? Then, _snap!_ A beer? Really? _Snap!_ Another one? Seriously?

Now he’s walking towards them.

_Don’t you fucking dare!_

Billy dares. He slumps right next to Steve, ignoring Robin’s gaze. They share a look and shrug as if to agree to ignore him. He can take a hint. Can’t he?

_At least he gave me the second can of beer._

Steve doesn’t know how long Billy stays by his side. Long enough to chug down a whole can of beer and belch every few minutes. _Disgusting_. It’s no help that he feels the need to riff on the movie they’re watching like he’s a fucking critic.

“Am I really watching this shit,” he chuckles. “Or am I imagining it?”

“You don’t have to,” Steve says with a forced smile. “You could always _leave.”_

“Nah, I’m enjoying this. You know I love a so-bad-it’s-good movie. Actually, that chick looks kinda familiar.”

“Billy, could you just shut up and let us enjoy the movie?”

“No, really, she does! Doesn’t she look like that chick you were dating back in Hawkins?”

Steve stiffens. He can feel Robin’s gaze on him already. 

“You know the one I’m talking about. You guys were serious. What was her name? Niki? Natalie?”

 _You fucker._  “Nancy.”

“Yeah, that’s right! Boy, you were _crazy_ about her.”

“Were you really serious?” Robin asks. Steve can’t speak. The only words in his head are _shit, fuck,_ and _bastard._

“They sure were,” Billy tells her. “They were gonna get married, run off to the suburbs, have a dozen kids, and everything. At least, they _were_ until he dumped her for another guy. Jonathan, wasn’t it?”

Robin’s eyes go wide. It takes all of Steve’s strength to keep from grabbing Billy by the neck and choking him to death. Instead, he can only say through gritted teeth: “Billy, I think you should go.”

“What? I’m just being friendly.”

“I’m serious, Billy…”

“Actually,” Robin interrupts. “I’ll go.”

Robin slips easily from Steve’s arms and just manages to slap his hand away when he reaches for hers. When he follows her, he’s almost certain he can see a glimpse of Billy grinning through his next swig of beer.

“Wait,” Steve begs. “Robin, I…”

“It’s okay, Steve, I actually just remembered that I have an early start tomorrow.” That’s a lie and he knows it. 

“Just let me explain.”

Robin shakes her head and wraps herself in a jacket. “You don’t have to explain, Steve, I don’t mind. If you’re into guys, that’s great. I just wish you’d told me about it earlier.”

“But I’m into you, too. Robin, I like you.”

“I like you, too. I just don’t like the idea of being dumped for a dude.”

Steve could kill Billy. “Okay,” he seethes. “I need to straighten that story out.”

Robin only sneers. “Given the situation, I’m not sure if that’s likely. I’ll see you later, Steve.” 

“Robin, wait!”

But it’s too late. The door shuts in his face. Robin is gone. Steve’s feet are suddenly too heavy to follow her. He’s almost certain nothing would come of it if he did. Instead, all he can do is drag himself into the living room where Billy lays on the couch staring into space. The movie that still plays may well be nothing but white noise. Steve finds one of Billy’s books– _Pride & Prejudice, _of all books–on the nearby counter and throws it at his roommate’s head. The bastard barely even flinches.

“That was low even for you.”

Billy looks Steve dead straight in the eye. There’s almost a hint of remorse in his big baby blues. Almost. “Yeah,” he says. “I know.”


	7. Atonement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hate this chapter. I mainly wrote it because I wanted to write through a bad case of block with this story and new ideas for other stories popping up out of nowhere. Also, I just started a new job, so I've been busy.

Thanksgiving comes and goes. Steve thinks nothing of Billy’s refusal to return to Hawkins even for a weekend. It’s not like he has a step-sister who looks up to home or anything. Truth be told, he wonders if the prick even cares about Max. He then reminds himself that it’s stupid to think that Billy cares about anyone but himself. 

One thing that Steve is thankful for this year is that his parents–predictably–are not home. He can only imagine what Thanksgiving would be like if they were. He can just see his father spending the entire meal texting his secretary and his mother polishing yet another glass of wine. He can even hear the conversation: “Nursing classes are pretty busy. I’m really enjoying them, though, and I’m learning a lot. I’ve also met this girl called Robin. She’s pretty cool. My roommate’s pretty cool, too. This guy from California called Billy. He’s kind of a prick and I think he might be an alcoholic with a criminal record but I’ve been having lots of kinky sex with him, so it’s okay.”

Instead, Steve has dinner with the Party. Mrs. Byers and Chief Hopper have never been the best cooks, but Steve has a soft spot for every Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter dinner they’ve ever made. Nancy and Jonathan always welcome him warmly, or at least as warmly as any ex would welcome another ex. Mike, Lucas, and Will greet him with high-fives and Dustin with their “secret handshake.” El greets him with a hug that makes his heart swell. It’s Max who makes him take a step back.

“How’s Billy?” she asks.

Steve wants to tell the truth. Christ, he wants to tell _someone_ the truth. He wants to talk about what an asshole Billy’s been; and not the kind of asshole most people know him to be. “He’s doing great.”

Max only nods. She doesn’t even attempt to fake a smile. “I didn’t think so.”

Just before dinner, Steve is outside sharing a coke with Dustin, who isn’t quite his cheery self when he sees his friend staring into the distance.

“How _is_ Billy?” Dustin asks. “I know Max asked earlier but I don’t think you were telling the truth.”

Steve secretly wishes there was rum in his coke. “To be honest, it’s hard to say. He’s an okay roommate but nowadays he’s a little less of a psychopath and a little more of a sociopath.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, he’s still an asshole but he’s a different kind of asshole to when we were in high school. He’s not so much violent as much as…well…”

“Horny?”

Steve nearly chokes on his drink and looks to the younger teen with wide eyes. “H-how did you…?”

“You told me, remember? About how he’s always doing that kinky stuff with other guys?”

The tightness in Steve’s stomach begins to ease. Hopefully, he can talk about the kinky stuff without making it seem as though he’s done some of said kinky stuff. If only Dustin wouldn’t look at him like that.

“You _sure_ you aren’t perving over this guy?”

Steve shakes his head of the image of Billy naked, hard, and with the flogger in hand. “No.” 

_Not anymore._

Dinner is soon announced. Finally, Steve can breathe again. For at least a couple of hours, he feels like he can let go of everything that shapes the fabric of his current life: his hectic daily schedule, restless nights, sleepless nights, the man he’s slept with, and the woman he dreams of sleeping with. None of that matters to him now. All that matters now are the jokes and stories shared amongst friends. 

Until…

 _Buzz!_ Fishing his phone from his pocket, he hopes against hope to see Robin’s name lit up before him. Sadly, fate is not so kind to him.

_Billy: Hey._

Steve frowns and stuffs the device back into his pocket until he hears another _buzz._

_Billy: We should talk._

Grumbling under his breath, he taps a quick: _Fuck off!_

Less than a minute later, _buzz!_

_Billy: Just hear me out, okay? I want to talk to you._

Before he can even touch his screen and tell Billy to go to hell, the phone’s buzzing continues even further. He’s calling him. The fucker actually has the balls to call him. 

“May I be excused?” 

Mrs. Byers and Chief Hopper both answer with curt nods but it’s Max’s wide eyes that follow Steve as he marches into his room and out of earshot. He answers his phone with a sharp: “What?”

“I fucked up.”

Steve rolls his eyes. “No shit.”

“Alwaysss– _hick_ –forgive your enemies, pretty boy. N’thing– _hick_ –nothing annoys them so much.”

Billy’s voice is weak. His tongue sounds heavy and his teeth soft. Steve frowns. “Billy?”

“Oscar, actually. Oscar– _hick_ –Wilde. Great guy.”

“Are you drunk?”

“Maaayyybeee…”

 _Of course he’s drunk,_ Steve tells himself. _He could have come home and spent some time with Max and his folks but_ no _. He just had to stay on campus so he could destroy his liver._ “What have you been drinking?”

“Vodka. Want some?”

 _For fuck’s sake!_ “You could be spending time with your family, you’re drinking yourself into a stupor. Classy.”

“Fuck fam’ly! Besides, I– _hick_ –I had to.”

 _Seriously?_ “You _had_ to?”

“So I could talk to you.”

 _What the fuck?_ “What are you talking about?”

Billy mumbles things that Steve can barely make out. It’s as if he’s telling a story but the words are mismatched and jumbled. At some point he can just barely make out the words “eye” and “view.” Is he talking about a bird’s eye view? Their apartment isn’t all that high up. He quotes Shakespeare at some point, the pretentious prick, something about the “fair youth.” It’s the very definition of word salad. Also, is he crying?

“Billy, where are you?”

“M’at home, at the apartment.”

Steve heaves a sigh of relief. At least Billy isn’t at some bar or some other place where he’ll do something stupid. “If there’s still some pizza from the other night, eat the rest of that. You’ll want to eat something with a lot of fats and proteins to soak up the alcohol. Drink some water too. If you’re still hungover in the morning, just take some Advil, whip up a smoothie, and don’t come crying to me.”

Steve only hears a second of Billy’s voice before hanging up.

“That was Billy, wasn’t it?”

Max leans against the wall with her arms crossed. Steve only has take one look at her to know that he doesn't have to answer her question. 

“Don’t worry,” she says with a smirk. “Whatever he’s done, he’ll find a way to it up to you. One time, he broke my skateboard, so he bought me another one plus a pair of knee pads and a helmet and he made me pancakes for breakfast for a week.” 

He finds that very hard to believe.

* * *

Steve knows that something is different when he returns to the apartment early the next day. Something _smells_ different, anyway, like the apartment has suddenly become a bakery. Certainly different from the frozen dinners, take-out meals, and cheap beers he’s grown used to in this apartment. He can’t believe his eyes when he opens the door. The table is spread with a feast fit for kings. Two plates are set with a glass each of fresh orange juice and a mug of steaming coffee and placed in between them is a platter of nearly every berry known to man. Billy stands in the kitchen in a t-shirt and pajama bottoms– _He owns pjs?_ –flipping pancakes.

The moment he shuts the door, Billy turns around and smiles. “You’re just on time. Brunch is almost ready.”

Steve looks to his roommate, to the feast before him, and back to his roommate again. “You…you made all this?”

“No, pretty boy, Julia Child rose from the grave and did it for me. Of course, I did!”

“I didn’t even know you cooked.”

“Sure, I can. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Anyway, take a seat.” 

Steve takes a moment to study Billy. He’s paler than he usually is, his smile appears forced, and his eyes bloodshot. Were he not leaning on the counter, he’d likely sink into the nearest chair, breathless and shaking. It’d be a wonder if he’d even take a bit out of the meal he’d just made. 

 _He’s still hungover,_ Steve deduces. “Thanks, but I think I’ll pass.”

Swiftly walking past Billy, Steve tries to ignore the weak hand that grazes his arm.

“Steve…”

“No, save it. I’m too pissed off with you right now. Anyway, I have to head straight to class and you look like you could do with that coffee more than I could.”

Once he’s changed and ready to go, Steve all but slams the door in Billy’s face without taking even a sip of coffee, which he immediately regrets. His stomach is growling at him. Checking his watch and his wallet, he has just enough to grab some coffee and a bagel before his first class. 

His hollow stomach tightens when he makes his way out of the building. Robin leans against the doorway with her hands in her pockets as if she’s been waiting for him. This alone is startling but even more startling is the way she smiles at him. 

“Hey,” she says sweetly. “How was Thanksgiving?”

“Um, it was okay. What are you doing here?”

Robin shrugs. “Just thought you'd want to go for a walk before class.”

Steve smiles weakly and walks by Robin’s side. They walk slowly through a path of ever-changing colours from green to yellow to red until they find a park bench. There is a cool breeze against them that makes him want to hold her close for warmth. He fights that impulse with all that he has. Even the thought of holding her hand he has to fight. 

“I actually wanted to talk to you,” Robin finally tells Steve. “I didn’t really hear you out or give you a chance to explain and I’m sorry for that.”

 _You shouldn’t be the one to apologize_.

“So,” she continues. “About that little story your roommate told me that night. Is it true?”

 _Just tell her,_ he demands himself _. You don’t have to tell the whole story, just tell her._ “Yes. Half of it is true, half of it is a lie, and all of it I can’t say I’m all that happy about.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well,” he begins. “I _did_ have a girlfriend in high school called Nancy and we _were_ serious. Billy wasn’t lying when he said we were going to get married, move to the suburbs, and have a bunch of kids ‘cause I thought we were in love.”

“So, what happened?”

Steve takes a deep breath. _This is gonna hurt._ “Jonathan happened.”

“Jonathan’s the guy he mentioned, right?”

“Yeah. He was a mutual friend of ours.”

“And you dumped her for him?”

 _Lord, how I wish it were that simple._ “Not exactly; more like she dumped me for him. You see, I loved Nancy with all that I had but I don’t think she ever _really_ loved me back. I just didn’t realize it until later on in our relationship. We weren’t doing so well and she started spending more time with Jonathan. At first, I didn’t think much of this, since I knew they were good friends but then one day we were at a party.

“It was Halloween. Nancy had been going through a lot and I tried to be the supportive boyfriend but she kept pushing me away. At the party she’d had too much to drink and…well, she said some pretty awful things about me. She said our relationship was bullshit. That’s when I realized that she didn’t love me the way I loved her.”

Steve all but loses his voice. All that can be heard is the crisp autumn breeze that renders his hands near numb from the cold. Suddenly, a warm touch engulfs them. Robin is shuffled closer to his side and her small hand rests upon his. This, at least, makes him smile. 

“Anyway,” he continues. “We broke up the next day. It wasn’t until I saw her with Jonathan a week later that I realized she’d been seeing him behind my back.” 

_And she wasn’t the only one._

“That’s awful!” Robin gasps. “You didn’t deserve that.”

“It’s okay.” _It’s not okay._ “I’ve forgiven her.”

“Huh! I don’t know if _I_ would, if I were you.”

Steve bites his lip. “Robin, I understand if you don’t want to see me again but…”

Robin’s sweet little chortle interrupts him. “Why do you think I’m here?”

Before Steve can answer Robin’s question, his mouth is stopped by a kiss more chaste than what he's used to. 

“Does this mean you’re taking me back?” he asks.

“Only if you'll take _me_ back.”

Steve’s smile widens as he seals their deal with a kiss. For a while, he forgets about Nancy, Jonathan, and Billy altogether. Hopefully, so will Robin.

* * *

For the first time in what feels like ages, Steve returns to the apartment with a smile on his face. Billy rests on the sofa with another book in hand; _Wuthering Heights,_ this time. The colour appears to have returned to his once pale face and though his eyes still appear bloodshot, his signature smirk makes him look more himself again.

“Have a good time with Robin?”

The question startles Steve. “How did you…?”

“I saw you walking with her just after you left.”

 _You were watching me?_ Steve shakes his head of the thought. “Uh, yeah! Actually, we’ve sort of patched things up.”

“So you think you’ll get back together?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

Steve is smiling and, much to his surprise, Billy is smiling back; kind of. “Maybe you should ask her to move in.”

“Um, I think it’s a bit too soon for that.”

“Well, you better find another roommate soon.”

Steve shrugs. “Why?”

Billy takes a deep breath and, for the first time in a long time, looks Steve in the eye. “Because I’m leaving.”


	8. Talk to me, like lovers do

A thousand questions are suddenly bursting in Steve’s head like fireworks and all that comes out of his mouth is a weak and brittle: “What?”

“I’m leaving. Didn’t you hear me?” 

“W-why?”

“Because you don’t want me around, which I can’t really blame you for, and I’m flunking my classes.”

Steve shakes his head. “That’s not true at all and you are not!”

Raising an eyebrow and marking his book, Billy walks over to the nearby kitchen counter where his backpack lies. Digging through his hoard of books, he manages to slip out stapled sheets of paper and places them into Steve’s hand. “ _The Purpose of Dorian Gray_ ,” he reads out loud.  “56%? You’re flunking your classes?”

“Yeah,” Billy answers as casually as he would tell the time of day. “Have been for a while now.”

Steve looks to the essay, then to Billy, and then back to the essay. “I don’t understand.”

  Billy only shrugs. “It’s pretty simple, actually.”

“No, it isn’t. It doesn’t make sense. You love English.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Bullshit, yes, I do! It’s the one thing that I _know_ you love. I’ve been in your room, Billy, I’ve seen how many books you have in your stash and I don’t think I’ve even seen you with the same book more than once. Christ, you go through more books than boys and that’s saying something.”

Billy laughs weakly and that’s when it hits Steve. _Actually,_ he almost says. _Have you even been with anyone since we started…whatever it is we are…or were?_

“What’s your point, Harrington?”

“My point, Hargrove, is that it doesn't make any sense to me that you would be flunking something that you’re so good at.” _Unless…_ “Are you failing on purpose?”

There’s that smirk again. “And why would I do that?”

“Because of…us?”

The blond only shrugs.

“It is, isn’t it? You can’t stand to see me with Robin, so you’re ruining your future chances to run away from the fact that your old fucktoy has someone else to play with.”

Billy’s eyes go wide and for a moment, Steve thinks he’s hit a nerve. Until he hears a snicker, a snort, and then a full blown roar of laughter coming out of his roommate. He doesn’t know how long he's laughing but he almost wants to slap him out of it. “What?”

“Wow,” Billy cackles, wiping a tear from his eye. “You really think that’s what this is? You think this is about _her?_ Well, fuck you! I’m doing this for _you,_ dumbass!”

“What are you talking about?”

“I said it before. You don’t want me around. I can't say I blame you after that stunt I pulled. This is what you wanted, isn’t it? So, here you are. You’re welcome!”

Steve shakes his head. “That’s not what I want at all.” 

“Jesus Christ, then what _do_ you want?”

Steve bites his lip to try and hold in the hundreds of answers to that one question. _I want you. I want all of you. I want you to want all of me._ “You really want to know what I want?”

Billy rolls his eyes. “Yes, I do.”

“I want to know you.”

He takes a step back. His eyes and mouth are wide open in shock, as if Steve has just insulted him in the worst way possible. If he has, he doesn’t care.

“I know that this is news to you,” Steve continues. “But usually when two people sleep together for a certain amount of time, feelings _tend_ to happen. I didn’t expect it to happen to me but I’ll admit it: I have feelings for you. I’m not really sure what to call those feelings, but they’re there. The only problem is that I feel like you’ve never let me get to know you. I live with you, I’ve slept with you, I see you everyday and I don’t know anything about you. I want to know things like where you were born, what your family is like, when you lost your virginity, what your tattoos mean, what your favourite book is, and–fuck, I dunno– _anything_! I want to know where you got that cigarette burn on your arm too.”

Billy looks like he’s just been punched in the gut. His hand rests on his forearm. “I told you…”

“That you got a mole removed, yeah, which I _know_ is bullshit. I’m a nursing student, Billy, I know what burned skin looks like.

“Do you see what I’m getting at here? I’ve been going out with Robin because she actually lets me in. I want you but I can’t be with someone who locks me out.”

Billy sneers at the very mention of Robin’s name. He mutters something under his breath that Steve can barely make out. 

“What was that?”

His voice is louder now but still inaudible. “Notgoodnuffferyou.”

“What?”

Seething and with his hands clenched into fists, Billy all but screams: “She’s not good enough for you!”

_Smack!_

Without thinking, Steve’s hand strikes Billy’s cheek, leaving a fresh red mark. No sooner does he open his mouth to apologize does his back hit the wall. Billy’s eyes are dark and his nostrils flared like a raging bull. His fists clutch the front of Steve’s shirt so tightly that he fears it might tear off of his back if Billy pulls him any closer. Steve flinches when Billy raises his hand but opens his eyes when he feels nothing. All he sees are the tears beginning to form.

 _He doesn’t like being hit in the face,_ he remembers. “I’m sorry.”

For a moment, Billy is perfectly still but for the softening in his eyes. His grip also softens, though only for a moment before the space between them is closed. As Billy’s lips move against Steve’s, it suddenly occurs to him that they’ve never kissed. They’ve seen each other naked, they’ve jerked and sucked each other off, they’ve fucked in just about every position in the book and, hell, Billy’s had his tongue in Steve’s ass. Steve can’t even count all the times he’s been tied up, spanked, and fucked by Billy. All that and they’ve never kissed.

He expects his roommate to kiss him the way a wolf would devour a lamb but feels no teeth grazing his bottom lip nor nails scratching his skin. Instead, he feels warm lips moving against his own until they part ways to make room for tongues that dance rather than wrestle one another. The familiar ball of metal dances on his tongue, reminding him of all the times he’s felt it running along his length. That alone is enough to make Steve’s cock twitch in interest but then Billy runs his fingers through his hair. 

It’s the sharp tug that makes him gasp.

“She can’t do _this_ to you,” Billy hisses in Steve’s ear. “Can she?”

Steve opens his mouth to argue but all that comes out is a groan when he feels Billy grinding against him. He’s already hard.

“Or this, or _this.”_

A rough and heavy hand strikes at his backside, harder than it usually had before. With another tug at his hair, Billy pulls another groan from Steve’s mouth and draws it out by grinding against him again and again and again. 

“She can’t make you feel like this.”

Despite the pleasure rising between his legs, Steve huffs. “You say that like I’m _not_ just a warm mouth and a tight hole to you.”

With that, Billy’s beast-like snarl softens. His grip begins to soften and his body to recline. He takes a step back and smooths Steve’s shirt. Though his eyes are still bright and glistening with the tears that threaten to fall, he doesn’t dare make contact to those of his roommate’s. 

“I’ll start looking for another apartment this weekend and be out of your hair in a month,” he says weakly and then he leaves. Steve is almost certain that he hears Billy crying once his bedroom door is shut. 

* * *

It’s at that very weekend that Steve is dressing himself up for a date with Robin. A proper date, this time, with a nice dinner that will later take him to her bed. They’ve talked about it since getting back together and while Steve–by this point–has grown used to Billy’s harsh hand, he’d be lying if he hadn’t thought of Robin’s much softer touch since Halloween. 

He tries on several outfits. For a moment, he’s tempted to ask Billy which colour looks better on him. Pink or blue? He shakes his head of the very thought and opts for blue. When he finds he’s low on his cheap cologne he almost asks Billy if he has any to spare. Sugar or spice? He decides, in the end, that it’s best to simply wear deodorant. 

Finally, he’s ready. Tonight will be the night. He will go on a date with a beautiful lady, have dinner, go to her place, and consummate their relationship. In his shoes, any other guy would be over the moon, especially with a girl as pretty as Robin. _Then why do I feel like shit?_

Billy says nothing when Steve tells him that he’s going out and shouldn’t be back until tomorrow. He simply turns another page of _Maurice_. 

When he knocks on Robin’s door, he’s startled. Her little black dress hugs her curves as if it were a second skin and resting above her breasts is a pendant resembling a broken heart. She’s painted her full lips a striking red and lined her bright eyes with kohl. 

“You look beautiful,” he tells her because she does. _So why isn’t my heart racing?_

When they reach the restaurant, they are seated side-by-side so Steve can wrap his arm around Robin’s shoulder while her hand rests on his thigh. _Why aren’t my palms sweating?_

At some point, they’re kissing. Steve should be thinking about how lucky he is to be kissing  a girl like Robin. Instead, he’s hoping the red on her lips doesn’t stain his own. He’s thinking of harder hands and coarser lips. _How come I’m thinking of_ him? _Shouldn’t I be thinking of her? What the fuck is wrong with me?_

By the time they’re given their menus, Steve finally feels something. A jolt in his stomach snaps him from his near numb state. At the door he sees familiar faces, one with black hair and the other red. One of them seems to recognize him too and doesn’t seem all too happy about it. Tommy looks at him like he’s grown an extra head. 

 _Just ignore him,_ Steve tells himself. Unfortunately, the task is easier said than done. 

Dinner goes well, or at least it would if Tommy and his little girlfriend didn’t insist on sitting so damn close. It’d be even better if Tommy didn’t shoot Steve all those dirty looks, which seemed to get even dirtier any time he got closer to Robin. He looks downright disgusted when he leans in to kiss her. 

At some point, a waiter comes by with a drink. “One sex on the beach for you, sir.”

Steve’s cheeks burn. “I didn’t order this.”

“No, but the gentleman at table four ordered it for you.”

Steve looks over to Tommy, who lifts his glass with a wink and a smile that he would dearly like to punch. As if sitting so close with that look on his face wasn’t enough, the prick just had to order him the girliest drink imaginable. _Does_ everyone _want to sabotage my love life?_

“Excuse me.”

Robin opens her mouth to say something but is swiftly ignored as Steve marches to the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. His face is so hot he wonders if there is steam coming out of his ears. He could kick something. He could punch something. Instead, he closes his eyes and counts to ten. Turning on the nearest sink, he splashes cold water on his face. 

He doesn’t expect to see Tommy’s face looking back at him when he looks into the mirror.

“I gotta say, Harrington,” he smirks. “You really are the player.”

 _Just act cool,_ Steve tells himself. “What do you want, Tommy?”

“Oh, nothing. I’m just telling you how happy I am for you.”

“Happy for me? What for?”

“Well, first Billy and now…what’s her name? Wren?”

“Robin.”

“Yeah, her. She’s pretty hot. You really know how to attract the best-looking ones, don’t you? Who’s next? Brad or Angelina?”

Steve rolls his eyes and turns to Tommy. Face-to-face. “You know, Tommy,” he says through gritted teeth. “I get it. I get that figuring out your own bisexuality is a little harder for you to come to terms with. I also get that Billy dumped you and started fooling around with me. I’m sorry for all of that but just because you’re jealous doesn’t mean you get to fuck with me all night.” 

Steve expects a lot of reactions from Tommy; a slap in the face, a punch in the gun, a kick to the groin, or any other fit of rage. Anything but a laugh. 

“You think _that’s_ why I’m so pissed off?” Tommy cackles. “Jealousy?”

Steve frowns. “Well, you _are_ jealous. Aren’t you?”

“Harrington, I’ve been out since we graduated high school and I’m over Billy.” 

“Then what the hell is your problem?”

“My problem is with you and your little date.”

“What’s my relationship with Robin got to do with all of this?”

Tommy rolls his eyes. “God, Harrington, you’re so stupid! Does Billy even know about her?”

“Of course, he does! D’you think that just because we’ve fucked a few times means we’re suddenly married?”

That seems to shut him up. Tommy takes a step back. His once smarmy grin now falls and how brow furrows. “W-wait,” he says. “You guys are just sleeping together?”

“Um, yeah. Well, not anymore, anyway.”

“You mean you’re not, you know, a thing?”

“Nope.”

“So he hasn’t even asked you out?”

“Why would he?”

“Because he’s _crazy_ about you.”

Steve’s jaw drops to the ground. The canned echo of Tommy’s voice seems to go on for eternity until the silence between them is almost suffocating. “You mean, he…I mean…you… _what?”_

“You really couldn’t tell?” Tommy’s voice falters. “Steve, Billy’s in love with you!” 

Steve’s knees are suddenly weak. The word “love” feels like punch so hard to the gut that it knocks the wind out of him. He needs to sit down. Stumbling, he manages to find a nearby toilet to break his fall. “I-I-I…I d-don’t understand.”

“Well, neither do I but by the way he talks about you, you’d think the sun shone out of your ass. When I was with him it was always ‘Steve said this’ or ‘Steve did that.’ Hell, even after we split, he never shut up about you.” 

“I don’t believe you. How come _you_ knew about this and I didn’t?”

“Because I don’t scare him.” 

Steve’s eyes are now as wide as saucers. “I _scare_ him? The guy could casually walk the streets in his birthday suit if he could, he has a collection of sex toys that would make Sigmund Freud blush, he practically commits sexual torture for fun, and _I_ scare _him?”_

Tommy crosses his arms and nods. “Yeah,” he says as if it’s the most obvious answer. “Weren’t you scared of Nancy when things between you got serious?” 

Steve thinks for a moment. Nancy was like any other girl back home. She was cute, she was sweet, and she was smart. Like, crazy smart. He wasn’t afraid when he first asked her out, though, and he wasn’t afraid when they first slept together. When he realized that he was in love with her, though… _oh!_ Burying his head in his hands, he feels like he could slap himself.

“Jesus,” he mutters. “I’m such a fucking idiot! At the Halloween party, he kept bothering me because I was spending so much time with Robin. Then when I invited her over, he told her about what happened with me, Nancy, and Jonathan. I thought he was just being an asshole like he usually is but…and after that…God, I’m an idiot!”

When he looks up, he sees Tommy sadly smiling and nodding.

“You don’t have to agree with me, you know!”

“Sorry,” Tommy shrugs. “It’s just that I don’t really blame you for not seeing it. I mean, he’s hardly the type to wear his heart on his sleeve.” 

“Why is that, anyway?”

Tommy only sighs. “It’s not really for me to say.”

Steve nods and leaves it at that. “Billy is in love with me,” he says aloud. “I gotta say, I’m having a hard time letting that sink in.”

“Took a while for me to accept it, too.”

“Why? Are you in love with him?”

Tommy snickers. “Fuck, no! I had fun with the guy but, like I said, I’m over him. The only reason I was so angry was because I thought you were cheating on him.”

 _Just like I cheated on Nancy,_ Steve almost says. Instead, he bites his lip.

“So, what are you gonna do?”

Steve shrugs. He could run back to his apartment and take Billy in his arms so they can kiss and make up like in the movies. They could spend the whole night having kinky make-up sex and telling each other that they love each other. Steve could even make a grand gesture and ask Billy out by singing to him from the rooftops. Billy could even say yes and spend the rest of his life with Steve. They could live together, see the world, get married, adopt a few kids, and grow old together with dog collars locked around each others’ necks.

And abandon Robin.

“I don’t know.”

Steve stares into space for he doesn’t know how long until he feels Tommy’s hand on his shoulder.

* * *

Steve may well have slept through the rest of dinner. Robin did most of the talking and decided they’d have “dessert” at her place. Reluctantly, he agreed. By the time they’d reached her apartment, she was already on him. He responded. If he kept kissing her, perhaps he’d forget what kissing Billy felt like. 

They kiss their way into her bedroom, pausing every so often to press one another against the wall for the experimental grope. Robin’s hands seem to be everywhere at once, while Steve’s only tries to keep up. He feels almost like a virgin again, having no idea what to do or how to touch someone. Soon, he's on his back, fallen on a soft landing. She makes no hesitation to straddle and press her lips to his neck. 

Normally, he liked it when a girl kissed his neck, especially when she moved to suckle at his earlobe. Now, he wants to be bitten instead of kissed. 

Then he feels her fingers raking through her scalp.

“Pull my hair,” he groans.

Robin’s frenzied kisses stop and she looks at him like he’s grown an extra head. “What?”

“Pull my hair.”

She does and it hurts. Not in the way that makes his spine tingle but in the way that makes him cry out: “Ow!” 

“I thought you liked that.”

“Forget about it.”

She does. He doesn’t. As they continue kissing, Robin undresses for Steve, left only in black lace. It should turn him on. She looks good in her lingerie and should look beautiful naked. The soft surface of her skin feels almost like velvet on his fingertips and her petite frame could easily slip from his arms. When they’re both half-naked, he moves above her, liking the grip of her thighs around his waist but loving the way her hand grabs his ass.

“Hit me,” he moans.

There’s that look again. “Seriously?”

“Hit me.”

Steve keens under her grip, expecting a good and hard slap on his ass cheek. He isn't prepared for the slap on the other cheek. “Fuck!”

Turning around, Steve seats himself by the end of the bed, crouching as he nurses the stinging in his face. His eyes also begin to sting and a lump in his throat grows at a rapid pace.

“I’m sorry,” Robin says but doesn’t sound sorry at all. “You told me to…wait, are you crying? Shit, I didn’t mean to hit you so hard. It’s just…”

“It’s not you,” he chokes. “I can’t do this.”

The room is silent but for the sound of soft sobbing until Steve turns to Robin. She sits perfectly wears the same look on her face as before.

“I’m sorry,” Steve says. “But I can’t do this.”

“It’s okay. We can do this another time. If you don’t want to, we can always…”

“I don’t mean that. I mean…us.”

“I’m really sorry, Robin. I think you’re incredibly cool and really beautiful but…”

“But there’s someone else.”

It’s Steve’s turn to look at Robin as if she’s grown an extra head. “How did…?”

“I know about you and Billy,” she explains with a weak smile. “He got in touch with me after the incident at your place before Thanksgiving. I can’t say I was expecting any kind of apology from him but there he was. We met over coffee after the break and he told me that he was sorry for being a dick and that I should give you another chance. I didn’t really get it at first, why he cared so much, so I asked him why he was doing this. He said he wanted to make you happy. That’s when I knew that he cared about you. He didn't have to tell me. I just knew.”

Steve stares into space. Everything he’s been told this evening seems like a complicated math problem. He must be trying to solve it for ages until he feels a soft hand on his shoulder. He is greeted with the saddest attempt of a smile he’s ever seen but no tears. 

“It’s okay,” Robin says softly. “I really did like you but if you don’t like me that way, I understand.”

“I did like you that way. I mean, I do.”

“But I’m not Billy.”

Steve doesn’t know how else to say it and shakes his head. Fists clenched and eyes shut, he prepares himself for another slap. “Look, Robin, I understand if you’re mad at me…”

“I _am_ mad at you.”

Steve opens one eye and then the other. Robin stays in her place with crossed arms. “Yet,” he says. “You’re not yelling at me or hitting me.”

Robin simply shrugs. “I don’t see a point, especially since you clearly like that. Anyway, I’m not mad that you’re into him. Like I said, I _really_ don’t mind you being into guys. I get it. I just wish you had been honest with me.”

Steve nods. “I should have been.”

Robin nods. “Yes, you should have been.”

“Forgive me?”

She pauses and bites her lip, clearly thinking hard. “On one condition.”

“Anything.”

“What _really_ happened between you, your ex and her boyfriend? Be honest, this time.”

Steve curses himself again and again. It’s painful to think of himself in that moment, young and stupid, drunk and horny, pressed against the wall under the other boy’s weight. He still remembers how much he loved it and how much he hated himself. Christ, sometimes he still does hate himself for it. He almost wishes that it had never happened. _But it happened._

He takes a deep breath. “Everything that I told you, except for the part where I fooled around with Jonathan behind Nancy’s back.”

Robin stares as if waiting for the rest of the story. Steve almost wishes that there was more to tell, like “I was drunk” or “It was an accident.” But that’s all there is. There isn’t anymore. Eventually, she smiles and takes his hand.

“Thank you,” she says. “Now, get out.”


	9. He hit me and I was glad

Steve’s feet feel heavy when he opens the door. He feels strangely cold inside and isn’t sure if the November chill is to blame. What is he to make of tonight? That he’s just abandoned another girl for another boy; not just any boy but Billy Hargrove. Billy whom he’s slept with, Billy whom he’s submitted to, Billy whom he may never see again, Billy whom he’s just found out is in love with him…and he might just… _oh, shit!_  

Suddenly, he’s running. His feet are light again and his lungs are beginning to burn. Soon, that brisk and hollow feeling in his chest is melted away like snow in spring. He’s on fire and he keeps running. Because he can. Because if he doesn’t, he might lose himself forever. Because he finally has something to run towards.

He stops when he opens the door, his lungs heaving fire when he sees him. Billy stands in the kitchen with a glass of water in hand, wearing nothing but a pair of boxers and a band t-shirt. Steve is almost disappointed that he is clothed at all but remembers that it is nearly midnight and there is no reason to preen like a peacock. Still, the dirty blond looks at him with wide eyes and just matters to utter a simple: “Hi.”

“Hi,” Steve pants.

“You’re back early.”

“I know. Date didn’t really go as planned.”

“Is that so?”

Steve wants to explain. He _should_ explain and would if he could find the words. Instead, the only words that come out of his mouth are: “Oh, fuck it!” 

He crosses the room in three strides before his hands are clapped around Billy’s face until their lips crash together. Billy gasps into the kiss but responds quickly. Steve pours all that he has into the kiss; all his hate, all his love, all his fear, all his desire, all for Billy. 

When he stops, eyes locked, he offers his hands. Billy takes both of Steve’s hands into his own and raises them to his lips. Though Billy’s lips are soft and his touch tender, that isn’t what Steve meant at all. Pulling him in for another kiss, he guides him into the bedroom–he doesn’t care which–by the mouth. 

Falling on a soft landing, Steve opens his eyes to find himself in Billy’s room, making him feel strangely more at home than his own room. They fumble to tear off every last layer of clothing as if they’re on fire. Once they’re naked, Billy rolls Steve onto his stomach, only to have him bounce back.

“No,” he says. “Not like that.”

Billy only stares in confusion.

“I want to face you this time.”

Steve is fairly certain he can see the vaguest glimpse of a smile playing at the corner of Billy’s lips when he offers his hands again, wrists up and just close enough together to tie a knot in between. Billy takes them with a ravenous kiss and pins them atop his head with that firm grip he so missed. Within seconds, his wrists are tied together. Within minutes, his legs are tied apart. _Perfect!_ Billy crawls over Steve with that familiar cat-like grace. 

 _No, he’s more like a jaguar than a cat,_ Steve thinks. A _s graceful and gorgeous as he is dangerous._

“Tell me what you want,” the Dominant whispers against his submissive’s lips.

“You,” Steve answers, which seems to take Billy aback. “I want _you_. I want all of you.”

Something shifts in Billy. He looks as if he’s just been asked the meaning of life. Still, he cradles Steve’s face in his hands. His kiss is strangely gentle. As lips make way for heated tongues, Steve half-expects to feel teeth but feels only Billy licking into his mouth as if he wants to savour the taste of him. 

The first silicone-slick finger enters him so easily, soon followed by a second that hits just the right spot that makes him whine, and then the third that opens him up. It’s almost as easy as counting to three. As soon as Steve is stretched wide open, Billy reaches for his bedside table. 

“Not like that.”

Billy frowns.

“I told you, I want _all_ of you,” Steve explains. “I’m clean. I know that you are, too. I want to feel you this time. ”

And that’s all it takes. One more dollop of lube and Billy is sinking into Steve until he is balls deep. Steve almost expects Billy to start fucking him at full force, grabbing him by the hair, biting his neck. Anything but make love to him. There’s no other term for it. Billy rocks into Steve so gently and it’s new. Of course, the unfamiliar feeling of naked flesh moving inside of him is a new sensation in and of itself. It’s the way Billy leans into Steve, moving so slowly and so sweetly. It’s not enough.

_More! Give me more!_

With his wrists still tied together, Steve manages to loop his arms around Billy’s neck, holding him closer than ever before. Billy does nothing to stop him. He only rakes his clever fingers into his lover’s hair with possessive affection and tugs it in the way that makes him shudder. Skin slaps skin as he gradually picks up his pace. 

_Yes! Yes! Yes!_

The love they make is unlike any other that either of them have ever experienced. It’s rough and gentle all at once, fusing the softest kisses with bruises and bite marks. Billy’s fingers dig into Steve’s flesh, leaving markings of black and blue on its once white surface. They feel no need to chase their climax, as it creeps up on them like a thief in the night. Steve feels it sneaking up on him first.

 _Not yet. Not until…_ “Billy.”

“I know,” Billy groans, his voice weakening to his pleasure. “Do it. Come for me.”

Always one to do as he’s told, Steve comes with Billy’s name on his lips, feeling the familiar twitching inside him followed by the more unfamiliar warmth of his lover’s own climax.

Billy stays inside of Steve for some time. Neither of them no for how long. It’s as if time doesn’t exist. All that exists is the way Billy rests his head on Steve’s neck and the way Steve holds Billy so close. He doesn’t want to let go. 

“I love you,” he whispers. “I love you. I love you.”

Billy says nothing. He only holds Steve closer until he softens and slowly slips out. His still warm semen spills from Steve’s hole, only to be cleaned up by the tissues at his bedside table. Carefully, he unties knot after knot until the submissive is freed with a kiss. Back to his senses, Billy lays by Steve’s side and rests his head on the ball of his hand.

“I was born in San Diego,” Billy begins. “July 30th, 1998. I lost my mom to cancer when I was ten. I have fourteen scars from when my dad used to beat me. I lost my virginity in my car when I was sixteen to a boy called Aidan. I got my first piercing when I was seventeen and my first tattoo when I was eighteen. My favourite movie is _A Clockwork Orange_ and my favourite book is _The Picture of Dorian Gray_ by Oscar Wilde. I still cry at the end of every Pixar movie, especially _Monsters Inc._ because it reminds me of when I lost my mom. I also have a weakness for soul food and I’m allergic to peanuts.” 

It’s a lot for Steve to take in all at once. “Why are you telling me all this?”

“Because you asked. I’m not so good at, well,” he gestures between the two of them. “This. This whole relationship thing, I mean. I’m used to keeping to myself and bottling shit up because it’s safer that way. ‘Cause if I ever open up and let people in that means I’m letting them see me; the real me, warts and all, and that scares me.”

Steve smiles sadly and reaches for Billy’s hand. “Are you scared now?”

Billy nods. “I’m terrified.”

And yet he still holds his submissive’s hand. Still, he peppers kisses on each finger and every line of his palm. Still, he responds when he is either kissed or caressed. Still, he relishes touch as if he’s been starving for it. _He probably has,_ Steve thinks and he begins to wonder. Of all the guys Billy has slept with, how many has he ever gotten close to? How many has he gone out with? How many has even kissed? Even when he was the most popular kid in school, did he even have any real friends? 

“You’re lonely.”

Billy doesn’t respond. He doesn’t have to.

“I didn’t know about your dad,” he finally says. “Is that where you got the burn on your arm?” 

Billy doesn’t stop Steve from tracing a finger over the raw flesh of that tiny scar. He nods. “One of my old man’s cigarettes,” he explains. “You know the phrase: ‘No use crying over spilt milk?’ Well, this is what happens when you spill the milk under his roof.”

“Is that why you don’t like being hit in the face too?”

“You could say that.”

Steve doesn’t know what else to say. Something lighter, he hopes.

“I’m sorry about your mom. Is that her?” Steve points to the picture on Billy’s bedside table, which the blond smiles at weakly.

“Yeah,” Billy says. “That was on my tenth birthday, just about a month before she died.”

“What was she like?”

“Beautiful, inside and out. My old man says I look like her but I don’t see it. Sometimes I forget what she looked like before she got sick but I’ll never forget how kind she was. She always saw the best in people, which I think was her downfall. I mean, she married my old man. She would always do her best to protect me from him when he got angry. Whenever I was scared, she’d read to me to calm me down.”

A smile grows on Steve’s face. “So that’s why you love to read so much.”

Billy nods again but doesn’t smile back. Steve can just see the tears threatening to form in his Dominant’s eyes, which only well when he reaches to caress his cheek.

“Sorry,” he falters. “But you said you wanted to know me, so…”

Steve bites his lip.

“I was born in Hawkins,” he begins. “July 5th, 1997. I feel like I barely know my parents because they were always away. My dad sleeps with his secretary and my mom is an alcoholic. I lost my virginity at a party when I was seventeen to a girl called Stacy. I’ve never had any piercings or tattoos because I’m scared of needles. My favourite movie is _Risky Business_ and my favourite book is _Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban_ by J.K. Rowling. I secretly love _Lilo & Stitch _and I always cry whenever he runs away and says: ‘I’m lost.’ I could also eat my weight in fried chicken and I hate mushrooms.”

Finally, a smile. Billy has a beautiful smile, Steve notices. He wonders if he will ever tire of the way those big baby blues twinkle when accompanied by a smile. 

“I love you, Billy,” he finally admits. “Please don’t go.”

With that, Steve’s mouth is stopped by Billy’s. Their tongues twist and tangle against one another, as the Dominant’s body weighs down on the submissive, holding him as if never to let him go. 

“I love you,” Billy whispers against Steve’s lips. “I’ve loved you since we were in high school together.”

“I know,” Steve admits. “Tommy told me.”

“Tommy?”

He nods. “I kinda bumped into him tonight and he told me. Please don’t be mad. I’m glad he did.”

Billy sighs but is stopped from anything by another caress to the cheek.

“Be with me,” Steve says softly. “Not just like this. I want you to be with me.”

Billy looked as if he’d just been hit with a thousand questions. “I’m not very good at that.”

Steve smiles and takes Billy’s hand into his own, holding it to his chest. “No,” he says. “But I am. I guess I’ll start with asking: Billy Hargrove, will you go out with me?”

Steve knows he has the answer when Billy kisses him. They make love three times before agreeing to have dinner the following Saturday.


	10. Epilogue

Christmas is awkward, to say the least. Steve invites Billy home for dinner, where he is about as welcome at home as a stray cat. Fed, sheltered, and welcomed by some but avoided by others. Steve’s mother welcomes Billy with kisses that smell of this morning’s wine bottle. Steve’s father welcomes Billy with a cold look up and down before staring back into his phone. Steve welcomes Billy with the open arms he so craves. 

They are surprisingly chaste over dinner, though Steve feels that rush go through him every time he feels Billy’s hand on his thigh. It takes all his strength to keep from kissing him then and there. Still, he reminds himself that while his parents have (begrudgingly) accepted their son’s boyfriend in their lives, he can’t just get down on his hands and knees and beg to be dominated and taken roughly. As much as he wants to. 

The opening of presents after dinner is also surprisingly chaste, until Billy opens his present from Steve.

“No fuckin’ way!” he says with a laugh, admiring the quality of his new leather-bound and illustrated copy of _The Picture of Dorian Gray._

“You said it was your favourite,” Steve explains. “Plus, I noticed that your copy was coming apart, so when I saw this I knew it was yours.”

“I love it!”

Billy thanks Steve with a kiss that leaves his parents hiding their chagrin behind the smiles plastered onto their faces. Steve ignores them. 

“Your turn,” Billy says after clearing his throat.

Steve rummages through the poorly-wrapped box the size of his own palm. “A watch?”

“It isn’t much,” Billy shrugs. “But it made me think of you and I thought it might be good for when you’re a registered nurse.”

True, the watch itself isn’t all that spectacular but it almost reminds Steve of a similar watch he once saw his grandfather wearing before he was buried with it. He thanks Billy with another kiss, only to hear him murmuring in his ear: “Your _real_ present is back at the apartment. I’ll give it to you on New Year’s Eve.”

The thought alone sends a chill up and down his spine.

* * *

The party are only a little more welcoming of Steve’s relationship with Billy. Most stare when they see them holding hands or kiss but, of course, Max looks on them with a smile on her face. No doubt, she had to have seen her step-brother going through guy after guy. Steve could only imagine what was going through her head when she saw Billy looking at him in the way that he did. 

Dustin couldn’t pick his jaw up from the ground. “So…you _were_ perving on this guy?”

Steve only catches Billy’s eye, sharing a secret smile and a wink. “Maybe just a little bit.”

* * *

On New Year’s Eve, they go to a club that Billy knows called _The Up-Side-Down_ and it’s unlike any party that Steve has ever been to. In the dark, strobe lights fade from one colour to the next, creating a strange kind of rainbow in the night. The crowd is filled with bears in BDSM gear to drag queens in bunny costumes. Music pulses through the ground with the fervour of the most passionate of lovers. The drinks taste like nothing else and offer a rush better than any drug. Steve, though leashed like a dog, has never felt so free in his life. 

Amid the is suddenly stopped when something–someone–hits his back. When he turns around he is surprised to see the familiar face smiling at him. “Robin?”

“Hey!” Robin beams and–much to his confusion–hugs him. “How the hell are you?”

“I’m great! I didn’t expect to see you here.”

Robin rolled her eyes with that wicked curl at each corner of her full lips. “Yeah, well I always wanted to give this sort of thing a go. That’s kinda why I started seeing you, actually.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. I remember you kinda touched on DD/lg when we met.” 

“So I did.” Steve finds the smile on his face quickly fading. “Yeah, uh..about that, I…”

“Hey, don’t worry! I’m over it. Actually, I’ve found someone else.”

“Really? That’s great!”

Robin nods with a smile that grows even wider when she looks over his shoulder. “Oh, there she is.”

Steve raises an eyebrow. “She?”

As if to answer his question without so much as a word, a cute brunette in cat ears skips past him and sweetly greets Robin with a close embrace and a passionate kiss. Steve drops his jaw.  He had only broken up with her two months ago and he’s watching her kiss another girl as if she’s loved her for years.

“Hey, kitten,” Robin smiles into the kiss. “Steve, this is Heather.”

Steve’s eyes and smile both widen for the two girls. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Heather chirped. “You’re right, he is cute.”

Before he can so much as blush, he feels himself being tugged at the scruff of his neck by a firm hand. He forgets everything when he looks into those big baby blues that have him immediately hypnotized.

“Let’s go home,” Billy says.

“Already? But it’s nearly midnight.”

“Exactly. I want to give you your real present.”

Steve doesn’t even think to argue with that.

They soon return to the apartment. Steve feels like he’s been waiting for Billy’s present for years and they’ve only been away for a week. Once they make it through the door with all their things, Billy takes Steve by the hand and leads him to his room. His bed is still freshly made and at its centre lies a box tied up with a red ribbon. Steve can only stare until he hears Billy urge him: “Go on.”

Slipping the ribbon from its bow, he opens the box to find what could either be a dainty dog collar or a leather choker. Whatever it is, there is a heart in its centre made of metal. 

“Most subs wear collars to let people know that they’re submissive,” Billy explains. “Others wear them to let people know that they belong to someone.”

Steve’s eyes light up. “So, like an engagement ring? Is this some kinda kinky proposal?”

Billy smiles warmly. “Something like that. It’s me asking you if you’ll be mine.”

Steve holds Billy so close when he kisses him as his only answer. Turning around, he allows his Dominant to link the collar around his neck with a kiss behind his ear. Billy turns Steve around to take him in his arms with all the tenderness that he has and when he kisses him, he makes him his. Leading him to the bedroom and tying him down by his wrists and ankles, he takes the flogger in hand and asks: “Are you mine?”

“Yes,” Steve says. “Yes, sir.”

Midnight strikes. He hits him and it feels like a kiss. 


End file.
